


Nine Lives One Love

by Rogue of Heart (Akumeoi)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/M, Gen, Multiple Selves, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-25
Updated: 2016-03-23
Packaged: 2018-02-11 08:46:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 19,615
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2061621
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/Rogue%20of%20Heart
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At a low point in her life, Nepeta meets several different versions of herself, from different potential futures. But most of them aren't as happy as they seem either. Will they be able to teach each other to find hope again? [On hiatus, but not forgotten!]</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Alone.

Nepeta Leijon was crouched on the floor of her cave, mixing paint – or rather, mixing the blood of her most recent meal. It felt strange to her, the motion of stirring and turning, folding in the ashes to thicken the mixture. She hadn’t painted a thing in over three perigees. Her shipping wall had been static.

Oh, there had been new ships. Gamzee and Tavros had finally become official in the red quadrant, and Feferi and Eridan had broken up and gotten back together at least three times. And it wasn’t that Nepeta didn’t care about those things; she did, a lot. She just hadn’t found the time. That was how it seemed to her, anyway. Time was moving too quickly and too slowly at once, and she could never get enough sleep.

But today she had to update the shipping wall, because the ships were changing and rearranging around Karkat, and no matter what happened, he would always be one of her top priorities.

Nepeta thought back to the news she had just received over Trollian…

**\--gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]--**  
GC: N3P3T4  >:]  
GC: 1 BR1NG YOU GL4D T1D1NGS  
GC: T1D1NGS OF MURD3R, M4YH3M, 4ND… SH4N4N1G4NS!!!!!  
AC: :33 ~ *ac purrks up her ears and twitches her nose, as she is catching the scent of something furry pawesome rustling in the bushes!

At first she thought that Terezi was going to tell her about a trail or something, but she was using too many emoticons for that. So Nepeta guessed instead that it had something to do with quadrants, FLARPing, or both, but she still wasn’t sure exactly what.

GC: TH3 4RCH-POUNC3LLOR’S NOS3 4ND 34RS 4R3 3NT1R3LY CORR3CT  
GC: TH3R3 1S GO1NG TO B3…  
GC: 4 P4RTY!!!!!!!!!  
AC: :33 ~ a party? :00  
AC: :33 ~ *gasps the pouncellor*  
GC: Y3S, 4 P4RTY!  
GC: 4T MY H1V3, TH1S FR1D4Y, TO C3L3BR4T3 TH3 V3RY SUCC3SFULL 3ND OF TH3 SUMM3R FL4RP1NG C4MP41GN  
GC: 1N WH1CH 1, T3R3Z1 PYROP3, F1N4LLY UNCOV3R3D TH3 S3CR3T C3S4 F1L3S OF TH3 F4M3D L3G1SL4C3R4TOR R3DGL4R3  
GC: WH1CH, 1 M1GHT 4DD, 3V3RYON3 3LS3 THOUGHT H4D B33N LOST TO POST3R1TY  
GC: BUT 1 W4NT3D 4 LOT OF P3OPL3 TO B3 TH3R3, SO 1T’S MOSTLY JUST 4N 3ND-OF-SUMM3R P4RTY  
GC: 4ND YOU SHOULD COM3!!

Nepeta hesitated. She wasn’t really in a partying mood. But Terezi was her friend, and she had a friend duty to help share the celebration of her accomplishments.

AC: :33 ~ *ac purrs with happiness at the thought of a fantastic supurrfun party!*  
AC: :33 ~ of course i will be there!  
AC: :33 ~ *she meows*  
GC: GR34T. 1T’S 4T S1X. W34R WH4T3V3R.  
AC: :33 :]

But it was neither of those things. Instead…

GC: 1M GO1NG TO 4SK K4RK4T OUT  
GC: 1F 1 DON’T G3T 4N OPPORTUN1TY TH1S W33K, 1 W1LL DO 1T 4T TH3 P4RTY  
GC: DON’T T3LL H1M!  
AC: :33 ~ *ac wrinkles her brow in confusion*  
AC: :33 ~ tell? karkitty? about what, purrchance? *she mews innocently*  
GC: H3H3H3, TH4TS WH4T 1M T4LK1NG 4BOUT.  
GC: 1’LL S33 YOU ON FR1D4Y!  
**\--[GC] ceased trolling [AC]--**

And that was why Nepeta was now about to paint over the drawing of her OTP on her shipping wall.

The paints were mixed; the party was planned. Karkat would not refuse Terezi, Nepeta knew it. Even clouded as her heart had been, she could still predict Karkat’s every move, feel the decisions that he made as if his heart were beating in time with hers, which surely it wasn’t. His and Terezi’s matespritship was inevitable.

Nepeta lifted her hand, smeared with dark red paint, and lightly touched her index finger to the wall. This was it. Time for this stupid dream to go.

Suddenly, behind her, Pounce began to growl. Nepeta instantly slid out her claws, whirling around, splattering drops of paint over the floor and her shoes. But it didn’t matter, because someone else was in her hive.

But as soon as she saw who the intruder was, she froze. Why was Pounce growling? The troll standing at the entrance to her cave was someone whose face she knew well, someone she mostly considered a friend.

It was herself.


	2. Dark Green.

The other Nepeta was not identical to the original, though their postures – claws up, on the defensive – mirrored each other perfectly. But Other Nepeta was older, for one thing – by about two sweeps, Nepeta guessed. Strangely, Other Nepeta’s coat was a few shades darker than Nepeta’s own. Perhaps it was new, and hadn’t been faded from use yet?

But on top of that, she had no hat, no tail, and – wonder of wonders – she was wearing a skirt. It was grey, flowy for easy movement, with leggings underneath, but it was still not pants. And Other Nepeta’s hair was brushed. What?

Nepeta absorbed all of these strange visual details, but could not comprehend any of them. She stood there, claws up, paint dripping down her arm, head cocked to the side in confusion.

“Nepeta?” she said, her own name unfamiliar and dusty in her mouth. “Are you… future me?”

If this sense of fashion was where her future was headed, Nepeta wanted out.

“I don’t know!” the other Nepeta said, lowering her own claws. “Where am I? Is this the hive we lived in when we were six?”

“You mean you don’t live here anymore?” Nepeta said, sliding her claws back into the sheath and grabbing a piece of hide to wipe her hands with. She hopped over the painting equipment to inspect the newcomer. Pounce was already sniffing curiously around her ankles.

“Nope, but this beautiful feline is still with me,” Other Nepeta said brightly, scratching Pounce between the ears. Pounce, being a big softie, immediately flopped over and begged for a belly rub. Other Nepeta obliged, and Pounce began to purr, squeezing her eyes shut in contentment.

Actual Nepeta stood still, watching this strange person play with her lusus. It was so strange to see her own movements on another person’s body right in front of her, and she felt almost possessive of Pounce.

“So… where do you live? How did you get here?” Nepeta asked.

“I love on the other side of the mountain, now. I think I’m older than you, so I must be from the future, but who knows which timeline. I don’t know how I got here. There was a lot of white light, and suddenly I was on your lawnring.” She paused, frowning. Pounce batted at her hand, and she half-heartedly scratched at Pounce’s shoulders until she lay back and closed her eyes again.

“Why here, of all places?”

Nepeta shrugged. She felt like something was wrong apart from the obvious, but she wasn’t sure what. What was it? What was it?

Mountain. Meowntain. Other Nepeta wasn’t using puns.

“I don’t think we are the same purrson,” Nepeta said slowly. “I mean, the same fursion of the same purrson. I could nefur move away furom this cave. And besides, you aren’t making any puns. And you aren’t wearing my hat.”

“Oh, I used to do those things,” Other Nepeta said in a tone that suggested that the days when this was true were long gone. “But I grew out of them.”

That made about as much sense as if Other Nepeta had said, “But then I turned into a tuna fish and went to live in a tree.”

“What happened to you?” Nepeta said, sinking down into a crouch. She wanted to snatch Pounce away from Other Nepeta, bury her face in Pounce’s fur, and not think about all the terrible implications of the things Other Nepeta was so cheerfully saying. Instead, she started petting Pounce, suddenly stopping when she saw the streaks of dark-red her sticky hands were leaving in his fur.

Other Nepeta sat back on her heels as Pounce turned his head to Nepeta and lazily started trying to lick her hands clean.

“Tell me how old you are, and I’ll tell you what happened in my life after that age,” Other Nepeta said.

“Almost seven.”

“Right. Well, there’s not much to tell, really. I realised that Karkat would never love me, so I left to try and find some trolls who might. I don’t live in a cave, I live in a real hive, but it’s at the edge of the woods so Pounce still has somewhere to play. Oh, and don’t worry, Equius and I are still moirails. Sometimes he visits. It’s paw- it’s awesome.”

That little speech sounded like hell to Nepeta. If she didn’t know better she would say that her other self was running away from her life, and seriously in denial about it too. Being close to Karkat was hard, so hard, but she was convinced that being far away from him would be even worse. But, not wishing to upset her other self, she lied (as she often did those days) and said, “That sounds purretty nice.”

“You should try it,” said Other Nepeta.

“I don’t know… I guess so,” Nepeta said, pulling her now-clean hands away from Pounce’s mouth and petting her ears.

“Are you alright? You seem tired,” Other Nepeta said, her voice filled with concern for her younger self.

“Oh, Terezi told me she’s going to have a party.”

Other Nepeta did not seem to understand.

“She’s going to ask Karkat out,” Nepeta clarified.

“Oh,” Other Nepeta said. For a minute, Nepeta could have sworn she sounded upset, but then she said brightly, “I’m sorry about that. But it doesn’t really matter what Terezi does, you know. Karkat will love who he loves.”

“Is that what we sound like to Equius?” Nepeta asked grouchily. What Other Nepeta had said was not helpful in the slightest.

“I don’t know,” Other Nepeta laughed. Nepeta managed a small smile.

“Speaking of Equius, are we going to tell your version of him about this?” Other Nepeta said. Nepeta considered it, scratching Pounce under the chin. She didn’t think Equius would be able to help, because time travel was not really his thing. On the other hand, it would be nice to have the emotional support. But what would he think of Other Nepeta, and would it change his opinion of Actual Nepeta?

“I think Sollux and Aradia are the people we want to help us,” Nepeta said slowly. “So why don’t we start with them and see how it goes ofur?”

“Good plan,” said Other Nepeta. “Can we talk to them now?”

“Sunrise is in two hours,” Nepeta said. “But Sollux is away visiting Feferi until Wednesday, and I don’t really want to bother him.”

“Two days?”

Nepeta nodded.

“I guess I can wait two days,” Other Nepeta said, smiling. “Don’t worry, I’ll help you with the hunting and stuff. Hey, this might be kinda fun!”

Nepeta fervently hoped it would be. “Yeah, thanks, that sounds pawesome. Oh, I’ll need to get more sopor slime. We should be alright for tonight, though.”

She patted Pounce’s head one more time and then stood up.

“You still remember where everything is?”

Other Nepeta nodded.

The future thus planned out, Other Nepeta helped her put away the paint tools before the paint could dry on the floor, and then they shared a quick bedtime snack. Nepeta usually slept in a rawhide hammock filled with sopor slime, so she strung an extra one up for Other Nepeta and divided the slime she had among the two. Then both of them said goodnight and hopped into bed.

Soon Other Nepeta was breathing deeply and calmly, no doubt dreaming of her own hive on the wrong side of the mountain, but Nepeta couldn’t sleep.

This was a recurring problem. But it was made worse tonight by the thoughts chasing themselves around in her skull. Was she really destined to leave Karkat and go so far away? To leave her cave, her home, the places she used to play? She didn’t believe she had it in her, even with living proof right beside her snoring so gently it sounded like a quiet purr.

She just couldn’t believe…


	3. Grey.

The next morning, Nepeta woke up thinking she’d rather die than leave her cave. This thought puzzled her for a moment until she remembered the events of the previous day. Sitting up, she saw that Other Nepeta was not in her hammock, so she decided it was probably time to get up.

She wandered into her main living area, and found Other Nepeta there. To her surprise, Other Nepeta was now wearing a grey coat, shorter than her other one by about six inches. She was wearing a beanie again, but it had no face, and was olive green. So were her shoes. Not a hint of blue remained anywhere. Was this a thing Other Nepeta did? Change outfits for no good reason? Why wouldn’t she wear blue?

Thoroughly confused, Nepeta said, “Good morning.”

“Good morning,” said Other Nepeta. Her voice was quiet, polite, and sweet, nothing like the lively and slightly big-sisterly voice Nepeta remembered from last night. Was she going crazy?

“I’m so sorry, but I seem to have somehow ended up in your hive, and I’m not sure why. Are you a younger fursion of me?”

Nepeta stared. Was this an entirely different future version of herself? Where was the other Other Nepeta? Had she been sent home during the night?

That question was answered as original Other Nepeta came into the room, walking backwards, dangling a rawhide strip in front of Pounce’s nose.

Other Other – uh, grey-coat Nepeta’s face was priceless. “Oh my, there are more of us?” she said.

“I guess there are,” said original Nepeta.

Dark Green Nepeta stopped abruptly. Pounce grabbed the strip of hide and began savaging it with both mouths. Dark Green turned around and stared at Grey.

“Hey, when did you get here?” she said.

“I’ve only been here fur a few minutes,” Grey said. She looked guiltily from face to face. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to make a pun. They just sort of slip out.”

“Oh, it’s purrfectly okay,” Nepeta said, wondering why in the world she world she would want to apologize for making a pun. That was like apologizing for her whole identity. At least Grey was still making puns at all, unlike Dark Green. But sh33sh!

“Yeah, it’s alright, I don’t mind,” Dark Green said. “Made ‘em myself for seven sweeps of my life, after all.”

Nepeta couldn’t tell if Dark Green was actually annoyed or not.

“I’ve been trying to give them up,” Grey explained.

“Why?” Dark Green asked, sounding genuinely interested.

“It seemed like they bothered people… so I wanted to quit,” Grey said. “I don’t know about you, but when I turned 8, people started telling me to grow out of it. I’m 11 and a half now.”

Pounce, finally bored with the chewed up strip of hide, wandered over to Nepeta and rubbed against her leg. Petting Pounce’s head, Nepeta felt strangely pleased that her lusus could tell the Nepetas apart and knew whose hive she was living in.

“Where do you live?” Nepeta inquired.

“Oh, this cave,” Grey said. “By the way, you wouldn’t happen to know how I can get back to my version of it, would you?”

“We’re working on it, don’t worry,” Dark Green said before Nepeta could reply. Pounce quietly stalked out of the cave.

“Okay,” Grey said. “I don’t really have anything to go back for, but Equius might worry.” She looked down at her shoes, seemed startled to find they were the wrong colour, and turned her gaze to her hands instead.

Nepeta, following her gaze, said slowly, “Are you still… his meowrail?” She dreaded the answer, and she was not wrong.

“No,” said Grey. A lump of ice slid into Nepeta’s stomach.

“What happened?” Dark Green said, sounding as shocked as Nepeta thought she should feel, if she weren’t so numb.

“I took a vow of celibacy,” said Grey. “I realised I was not destined to fill my quadrants, so I should release Equius to go find whoever it is he’s really fated to be moirails with.”

Nepeta just stared.

“Don’t be silly, troll serendipity applies to everyone,” Dark Green said. Grey shook her head.

“Maybe fur another version of me, it does,” she said. “I thought about it a lot, and I think I passed the point I could have found somebody else.”

“I have several possibilities for my red quadrant,” Dark Green said.

“I’m glad,” Grey said earnestly.

“Then again, I did move,” Dark Green explained.

“You left your cave?” Grey sounded almost as shocked as Nepeta felt.

But Nepeta did not want to hear any more about either of their lives.

“Excuse me,” she said. “I have to go out and get more sopor slime for tonight, and purrobably go hunting, too. Feel free to paint on my wall or play with Pounce.”

Grey looked askance at her.” Is efurry- is everything alright?”

“Oh, yes,” Nepeta said. “I just don’t want to be a bad hostess..”

The other two Nepetas waved goodbye, and Nepeta practically bolted out of her hive. She ran about half a mile away, and then stopped.

She had lied again. This was not okay. Not okay at all. If she didn’t run away from her hive, she was going to be loveless forever, and lose even Equius? She had to trade her home for her moirail, or else be alone?

She could not believe it. She would not believe it. And she would die before having to make that choice, because dying and living without Equius were the same thing, but one required more hard work and going through the motions. She knew which one she’d rather chose.


	4. Kualie.

Nepeta got back to her hive around four hours later, at noon. She’d had to run all the way to town, because the neighbours had to slime to spare. Then she’d gone hunting, which was nice because it took all of her attention and didn’t let her think about the two copies of herself waiting for her in her hive. Consequently, she had caught several small animals and a nice dear for dinner. How long all that would last amongst three high-energy trolls, she did not know.

When she arrived back at her hive, Grey looked sheepish and Dark Green was petting Pounce.

“Hi, I’m back,” Nepeta announced. “I got us some lunch. Anything happen when I was out?”

“Equius wanted to talk to you,” Grey said. “I mean, you left your husktop here, and he tried to message you.”

Nepeta realised Grey was right; she had left her husktop out the night before.

“Thanks, I’ll go answer him,” Nepeta said.

“She already answered it for you,” Dark Green said, patting Pounce’s butt as the cat sauntered off with her tail high.

Nepeta looked at Grey, who nodded apologetically.

“I hope that was okay,” she said. “I just didn’t want to let him worry…”

Shrugging, Nepeta said, “You didn’t tell him about the two of you, did you?”

Grey shook her head.

“In that case, there’s nothing to worry about,” Nepeta said, retrieving the deer from her sylladex. “Anyone wanna help cook?”

“Sure!” Dark Green said. “I’ll go light the fire.”

“I can help skin that,” Grey said. Nepeta thanked her, and the three of them set about the task of cooking.

Grey was quiet, and Nepeta wasn’t sure what to say to her that wouldn’t accidentally send them off into a conversation about Grey’s quadrants. She also couldn’t guess why Grey was being so quiet – if it was because Grey normally didn’t talk much, or because she felt awkward around her younger self, Nepeta could not say.

Just as they finished with the deer, there was a voice behind them.

“Oh my! Where am I?”

Nepeta whirled around and nearly dropped the knife she was holding. There was a new Nepeta there, and her hair was teal. Teal. So were her shoes, her tail, and her hat. Her coat was white. The only smidgen of Equius’s blue on her body was her belt. Oh, and the eyes of her hat.

“Hi!” said Teal-hat Nepeta, in a suspiciously cheerful tone of voice. “I’m Kualie. Who are you?”

“What?” Nepeta said blankly. Grey let out a little squeak of surprise.

“I’m Kualie Ruishi. I’m a snow lion. I’m furry sorry fur coming into your lofurly cave without purrmission, but it seems that a celestial event has carried me here. Somewhere in this vicinity must be my destiny,” Kualie said excitedly, peering around the cave.

Nepeta seriously hoped that “Kualie” was roleplaying under the assumption that everyone else was too.

“Hi,” she said. Kualie smiled encouragingly. “I’m Nepeta. This is also Nepeta.”

To Grey she said, “Nepeta, please go get Nepeta so she can meet Kualie.”

“Okay,” Grey said, putting down her blade and scurrying outside.

“Were you FLARPing when you were called here?” Nepeta said cautiously.

Kualie looked confused. “Oh no, my meowrail would never allow that. He thinks it’s not safe.”

“Mine won’t let me either. Uh, who is your meowrail?”

“His name is Equius Zahhak, and he’s the most purrfect friend I could efur ask for!” Kualie said earnestly.

“You must be from a different universe, because my moirail’s name is also Equius,” Nepeta said. Of course, she had already known that Kualie was from a different universe, but she wanted to impress on Kualie the difference between them, and that had seemed an easy way to slip it in.

Just then, Grey and Dark Green appeared at the entrance to the cave. Dark Green’s face was a study in shock.

“Woah,” Kualie breathed. “We must be celestially linked somehow!”

Nepeta could not turn the conversation to Dark Green and Grey fast enough. They introduced themselves and invited Kualie to eat with them.

While they ate, Kualie kept up a steady stream of happy chatter about how much of an adventure she was having and how excited she was to meet three cool cats. She did not break character once, nor did she seem aware that at least two of the three Nepetas found her ridiculous and the third one had no idea what to think, and didn’t particularly want to think about it, either. Needless to say, her enthusiasm was not contagious.

She also wouldn’t shut up about snow lions. According to Kualie, snow lions were mystical guardians who roamed the mountains, embodying joy and bliss. Snow lions were energetic, snow lions were playful, snow lions didn’t fly but their paws never touched the ground either. Kualie said that she lived on the snowy mountain top just like a real snow lion, but it was unclear whether this was actually true, or if she was just saying it to stay in character. But Nepeta wouldn’t have put it past her to have really moved there.

Kualie did mention Equius a few more times, and also her lusus, but she never referenced Pounce, or any other trolls, by name.

Strangely enough, Dark Green seemed more comfortable talking to Kualie about her life than she did Grey or Nepeta, who didn’t know what to make of that. She didn’t really care, either. At this point, she couldn’t wait for Sollux to get home.

Nepeta just wanted out. She wanted this all to end, so she could go back to her quiet, if relatively meaningless existence, in peace, to avoid growing up to be any of these people.

It wasn’t that they were mean or bad, or that she didn’t like them – heck, if Kualie were a random troll she’d met online, she’d be begging her for an RP – it was just that she didn’t want to be like them. She hoped to gog that no other, worse Nepetas showed up.

Then again, how could any of them possibly be stranger than Kualie, with her highly illegal teal hair and her wrong name?

Little did Nepeta know that the strangest of herself was yet to come.


	5. Feral.

And she arrived in the middle of the night.

As with the previous night, Nepeta found herself unable to sleep. All three of her alternate selves were asleep, and the room was quiet. Their purrs should have been soothing, but they were not. Kualie had trained herself to purr-snore loudly on purpose, and Nepeta found herself fixated on that sound. It seemed to grow louder and louder and louder until –

She just couldn’t take it anymore. She hopped out of her hammock, not caring that she was splattering slime onto the floor, and nearly fled into the main cave. Pounce was napping there, instead of sleeping in Nepeta’s respite-cave like she usually did. It seemed Pounce didn’t appreciate the attention overload either.

Nepeta went over to her cat and sat down next to her, nestling in the curve of her stomach for warmth and comfort. Pounce opened one eye lazily, then close it, yawned with both moths, and shifted her back paws. Absently, Nepeta started scratching her under the chin.

She didn’t know how long she sat there, petting and staring at the wall, when she saw a bright white spot hovering in the centre of her vision. She blinked, afraid the sun was getting in from outside somehow. But she felt no dangerous heat, so how could that be?

The spot would not disappear no matter how hard she blinked. Instead, the ball of light grew larger, so bright that she had to look away. There was a noise like a startled growl, and the light disappeared from her peripheral vision.

Nepeta turned her head back to the place where the light had been. Although she was momentarily blinded, she could see a dim, trollian form crouching there. Another Nepeta?

There was a growling from the darkness in front of her. Nepeta lurched awkwardly to her feet, accidentally kicking Pounce in the process. The cat let out a startled hiss, scrambling away.

That was when the other Nepeta pounce-tackled her.

Nepeta knew from the soft _shick_ of air that she heard as she fell to the ground that Other Nepeta had her claws out. The one thing that saved her from being skewered was that Other Nepeta had also been blinded by the light, and slightly misjudged the distance between them. Instead of spearing her in the heart, Other Nepeta had speared the air next to her and then collided with her stomach.

The breath knocked out of her, Nepeta slid out her own claws and kicked up with her legs, pushing Other Nepeta off of her just enough to roll out of the way.

“S- stop it!” Nepeta huffed, dodging another claw swipe and scrambling to her feet.

“It’s me, I’m you, I’m Nepeta!” Nepeta said, but Other Nepeta didn’t seem to hear or understand, responding with a loud yowl of anger. As Nepeta’s vision cleared, she could see a mad glint in Other Nepeta’s eye – a ferocious yet terrified gleam that spoke of utter desperation. Other Nepeta slashed at her face, and she blocked with her own claws. When their steel blades met, sparks flew.

Nepeta was stronger and faster than the average troll, but Other Nepeta could have snapped her bones the way Equius would snap a brand-new bow. Nepeta kept blocking her claws as best she could, but she was being driven backwards towards the wall of the cave, where she would have to either dive out of the way or be gored to death. Just as her coat-tails brushed against the wall –

There was a rumbling sound behind both of them, which sounded at first like a train approaching from far away, but then grew and grew, shaking the room with a mighty roar. It was an incredible sound – loud as thunder, like a rockfall, an avalanche, shaking the entire cave. Gravel started falling from the ceiling, stinging Nepeta’s face. Other Nepeta dropped to the ground, her hands over her ears.

Standing in the opening between this cave and the next one was Kualie, her eyes blazing, her hips drawn back tightly over her fangs as she roared.

Slowly, the sound died away. Kualie snapped her jaws shut and stood there defiantly. Grey, Dark Green, and Pounce, who were all behind her, peered over her shoulder. The cave was so quiet they could all hear the dust settling.

Kualie came forward to stand over the Other Nepeta, who was huddled up on the ground. But Kualie didn’t exactly walk, she slunk over the way a big cat would – her head down but her gaze up, her movements fluid and predatory, possessive and aggressive. Her lips were still drawn back over her fangs. Perhaps she should have looked silly, but she didn’t. She looked dangerous.

She gestured at Nepeta to get out of the way, and she did, gladly. Her ears were still ringing from that incredible roar. Other Nepeta stayed where she was, crouching in submission. Her movements were also very feline, but they were awkward and deferential, with her back hunched and her gaze on the floor. Now that she wasn’t focusing only on those cruel steel claws, Nepeta noticed that Other Nepeta had a scar on her face, crossing over the bridge of her nose. She had a tail, but it wasn’t the blue one – it looked as if it had been ripped off a big black cat of some kind. Her hair was messy and knotted, down her mid-back, filled with leaves and sticks, but otherwise clean. Nepeta realised with a chill that Other Nepeta was still wearing her green coat and blue shoes – they were just so filthy with dried blood and dirt that they seemed brown.

There was only one possible explanation. Other Nepeta was feral.

Kualie let out a short, sharp hiss, and Feral responded by making herself even smaller. Without changing her threatening posture or breaking eye contact, Kualie began to “speak” in a series of meows, hisses, and growls, interspersed with some words in a very forceful tone. She said her own name and Nepeta’s name several times. Feral tried twice to interrupt, but Kualie cut her off with a growl and spoke right over her.

Nepeta, meanwhile, was starting to feel strangely light-headed. She leaned against the wall of the cave and closed her eyes. Her side was cramping for some reason, and she moved her hand protectively over it. Then, she felt a tug at the hem of her coat. She opened her eyes and found Feral crouched in front of her, with Kualie behind her.

“Hiss,” Kualie instructed Nepeta. “I’m making her say sorry.”

Nepeta looked Feral in the eye and hissed as ferociously as she could. Feral responded by backing up and letting out a series of apologetic meows.

Dipping her head in acknowledgement, Nepeta growled in a quiet, passive way.

Feral sat up a little straighter. She and Kualie exchanged another short series of meows.

Nepeta felt as if she were on the edge of fainting. Pounce, sensing her distress, came over and butted her side gently.

At which point, Nepeta felt such a terrible wave of pain that she yowled. Pounce meowed urgently in response.

Grey and Dark Green immediately came over to see what was wrong.

“Nepeta?” Grey said, her soft voice worried.

“Oh my,” Dark Green said. Someone pulled Nepeta’s coat away from her side.

Apparently, Feral had not completely missed Nepeta in that first wild swipe. There were three distinct claw marks cutting through Nepeta’s shirt, and her side was stained with dark olive blood.

“We need to lie her down somewhere clean, and fast,” Grey said. “She’s losing a lot of blood.”

“I’ll get some skins,” Dark Green said. Nepeta shut her eyes tightly and bit her lip, trying not to yowl again.

A few moments later, she felt herself being gently led away from the wall, and then pushed down flat on her back. Her fingers found clean, dry animal pelt underneath her. There were anxious meows in her ear and the feeling of two rough tongues on her cheek.

She opened her eyes. Dark Green was cutting away her shirt and coat, while Gray rummaged through her sylladex. Kualie wasn’t talking to Feral anymore, but watching the scene, looking upset. Feral was not there.

Just as Dark Green finished with the shirt, Feral returned. She had in one hand a bunch of green leaves, and in the other, a bucket full of water.

Grey examined the bucket to see if the water was clean, then began to wash the wound. This was also painful, but at this point Nepeta didn’t think the pain could get any worse.

“It’s not a puncture,” Grey announced. “It looks like she just sliced you cleanly. But the wounds are deep.”

Meanwhile, Feral was trying to get Dark Green to take the herbs she had gathered, but Dark Green didn’t seem to know what to do with them.

Seeing this, Grey grabbed them, inspected them, and smiled.

“Thank you,” she said. Feral looked at her feet.

Grey gave Dark Green a piece of bark and a few instructions, then started pressing the leaves against Nepeta’s wounds.

Nepeta was fighting to stay conscious. Suddenly, Kualie was standing next to her and spouting random nonsense, which she tried to acknowledge occasionally with “Mmm hmm” and “Um.” Then they were making her sit up to drink some foul-smelling tea, presumably brewed with Feral’s leaves. The pain miraculously went away, and she began to feel like she was floating. She was vaguely aware that bandages were being wrapped around her middle.

And that was all she knew until the next day.


	6. The Cavalry Is Coming.

Someone was shaking her. Someone was shaking her shoulder and they wouldn’t stop. Why couldn’t she just sleep? This was the best sleep she’d had in what felt like years. She was so tired.

“Nepeta, wake up!”

Noooooooooooooo. Nepeta rolled over and buried her face in the crook of her arm.

“Nepeta, Equius is coming, and we don’t know what to do!”

It took a moment for these words to reach her sleep-fuzzy brain.

Equius?!

Her eyes flew open. She tried to sit up quickly, but that that made her side throb, and she had to lie back down again quickly.

It was Dark Green who was standing over her, looking worried.

“Where is he?” Nepeta said, squinting tiredly at her older self’s face. “Why is he coming here? And where are the others?”

Dark Green tried to explain what was going on, and Nepeta sat up slowly.

“He wanted to talk to you today because you weren’t on yesterday, so Grey-coat Nepeta answered him again, and apparently she told him that you were injured,” Dark Green said. She helped Nepeta get out of bed, still talking. “Anyway, he doesn’t know about all of us, but he wanted to know who patched you up. Grey-coat just said “a friend,” so he probably thinks you’re half-dead or something.”

“Get Kualie, right now, purrlease,” Nepeta said, the vague outlines of a plan forming in her mind. Dark Green agreed and hurried off.

After checking her bandages (they seemed fine), Nepeta did her best to wipe all of the sopor slime off with the aid of yesterday’s torn-up coat. Just as she was pulling on a clean shirt, Kualie came in, escorted by Dark Green.

“Nepeta,” Nepeta said to Dark Green, the only other Nepeta in the room, “Purrlease get efurryone else and have them go to the storage room. It’s fur enough away that even if you do talk a little, Equius won’t hear.”

“Why don’t mew want him to know about us?” Kualie asked curiously.

“We haven’t discussed it as a group, and we’re really unpurrpared. We need to break it to him gently, and the time to do that is not right after he heard I was injured,” Nepeta said, pulling her pants on and shrugging into her coat. Dark Green, satisfied with this explanation, left.

“Why don’t you want to hide me?” Kualie said, confused.

“Because he needs to know that someone is taking care of me, and that someone is going to be you,” Nepeta said. “Can you purrlease button up your coat?”

Kualie didn’t seem to understand that either, but she did as she was told. Nepeta pulled on her shoes, pinned her tail to the back of her coat, crammed her hat onto her head, and finally pulled her gloves on. Phew!

Now she looked Kualie over, critically, wondering how best to disguise her so that Equius would not suspect that they were the same person. It was a good thing Kualie was slightly older, and the buttoned-up coat hid her symbol, as well as the belt which was the same colour as Equius’s blood.

But their faces were too similar, darnit.

Nepeta pulled Kualie’s hat off, and started playing with her hair.

“Hey, I did brush that,” Kualie protested, but she sounded more amused than annoyed.

“I’ll make you look beautifur, don’t worry,” Nepeta said, jokingly but with some determination. After she had mussed Kualie’s hair to her satisfaction, she turned Kualie’s hat inside out and put it back on her head.

“Purrfect,” Nepeta said, grinning. Disguising Kualie had almost been fun. Now to see if it would work.

The two of them went back to the main cave, where Pounce was batting at something on the floor. When she saw Nepeta, she walked over and rubbed her head against Nepeta’s leg, giving a friendly mew of greeting.

Apart from some green blood on the floor, there weren’t any signs of the previous night’s incidents. And the cave floor was so liberally stained with blood that nobody would notice this new addition anyway.

Nepeta and Kualie sat down to wait for Equius’s arrival.

“Did Gray tell Equius _how_ I was injured?” Nepeta said. Kualie shook her head.

Good. Time to concoct a story. She could just say that she was attacked by a wild cat, and that was close enough to the truth.

“Hey Kualie,” Nepeta said. Kualie nodded.

“Whatefur fursion of events I give to Equius, just agree with it, okay?”

“Okies,” Kualie said cheerfully. “No problem!”

At that, Nepeta relaxed a little. She went to sit on the ground with Pounce.

“Hey, would it be pawsible for me to draw on the wall?” Kualie asked.

“Sure,” Nepeta said, remembering that she still hadn’t painted over the OTP drawing, and it had been – what, three days? Good grief.

It was at that moment that Equius arrived.

“Nepeta,” he said anxiously, seeing her at once.

“Hi, Equius,” Nepeta said, managing a reasonably chipper tone.

“How are you? Where is your injury?” said Equius, always to the point.

“I feel fine,” Nepeta said reassuringly, standing up so she wouldn’t have to look up at him looming over her. “And it’s my side, but I’m fine, really.”

“Have you received medical assistance?” Equius said, looking ready to snatch her up and carry her all the way to the hospital if need be.

“Yes, my furiend Kualie patched me up,” Nepeta said.

“Who?”

Nepeta pointed at Kualie, who had taken over the cat-petting detail. Pounce was going to be so spoiled by the end fo all this…

Equius stared at Kualie. For a moment, Nepeta was afraid that he had recognized her, but then he said, “Are you quite sure she is competent?”

Punching him lightly in the arm, Nepeta said, “Equius! That’s not furry nice. Of course I am.”

Equius still looked doubtful.

“Excuse me, Miss –”

“Ruishi,” Nepeta supplied.

“Miss Ruishi, may I ask exactly what sort of qualifications you have to administer first aid to my moirail?”

“Sure,” Kualie said, looking up from Pounce’s smug face. “Snow lions are known to have excellent healing powers. I’m no exception.”

Equius gave Nepeta a very suspicious look. Uh-oh.

“Nepeta, have you been FLARPing?”

“No, not at all!” Nepeta said honestly, relieved that he still hadn’t noticed who Kualie really was.

“Then what happened?” Equius asked.

“A wild purrbeast broke in here last night and surprised us.”

“Where’s its corpse?” Equius wanted to know. Oh dear. Nepeta hoped her face wasn’t betraying her sinking heart. She glanced at Kualie.

“Oh, we didn’t kill it,” Kualie said brightly. “We injured it and it went away.”

Equius frowned, as if trying to find a flaw in that argument. He should have known that Nepeta would never let prey get away from her…

“If it returns, will you be well enough to dispose of it? Perhaps I should stay here,” he said.

“Oh no, we’ll be fine,” Nepeta said hastily.

“We were just surprised, last night,” Kualie put in. “And it would be strange if it came back after what we did to it!”

Equius did not look convinced.

“I have an idea,” Kualie announced.

“Oh?” Nepeta said cautiously.

“It would be really helpful if you could go hunting fur us,” Kualie said. Nepeta winced at the cat pun – surely that was a dead giveaway?

“Hmmm,” Equius said, looking thoughtful. “If I encounter this rogue purrbeast you described, I could kill it on your behalf.”

Nepeta was pleasantly surprised at the outcome of Kualie’s idea.

Equius was nodding. “Of course, I do not usually go hunting, but I can make an exception this once.”

“Oh, thank you,” Nepeta said gratefully, giving him a quick hug.

Equius smiled slightly. “You’re welcome,” he said. “I will return later today.”

“Okay!” Nepeta said brightly.

“Thank you,” Kualie said. “Bye bye!”

And with that, Equius left.

Nepeta watched the cave entrance for a moment, then sat down slowly.

“Kualie, you are wonderfur,” she said.

“Thank you,” Kualie said, blushing. “Can I turn my hat right-side out now, purrlease? It’s itchy.”

Nepeta laughed, and the sound of it surprised her – it was so genuine. What a nice change. “Yeah, sure, go ahead!”

As Kualie fixed her outfit, the other three Nepetas appeared.

Nepeta looked at each of them in turn, and realised that she owed her life to at least two of them.

“Hey efurryone,” she said. Four heads turned towards her expectantly.

“Um, I know this situation is a little strange and all, but I wanted to thank you fur being good houseguests. Especially you, Kualie. What you did last night was amazing. And Grey-coat, thanks fur patching me up. Also, Brown-cat. I don’t know if you’ll understand this, but I furgive you.”

Kualie quickly translated with a few meows. Feral squeezed her eyes shut and let out a short purr.

“I’m glad I could help!” Kualie said. “I’ve been practicing my roar.”

“It was incredible,” said Dark Green with feeling. Nepeta and Grey nodded assent.

Nepeta realised then, that although she didn’t want to become any of these other selves, at least she could respect them. Dark Green hadn’t really done anything impressive yet, but perhaps that would change.

“I have a question,” Dark Green announced. “Do you think there will be any more of us coming?”

“Well,” Nepeta began. She stopped. Given that she had no idea why or how these four had appeared in the first place, she couldn’t really say how many more would come.

“Excuse me, but I think I know,” Grey said.

“Really? How?” Dark Green asked.

“It’s just logic.” Grey looked bashful. “Four more will come, I think. Because that way, there will be nine of us. And cats have nine lives, after all.”

Four more? How were they going to fit them all in one cave?

It was at that moment that Feral started growling.

“Hey,” said Kualie. “Incoming!”


	7. Blue.

“Incoming” turned out to be a Nepeta of about 11 and a half sweeps, who was pretty similar to the original flavour of Nepeta, except for two things: her coat was dark blue, and the eyes on her hat, which generally reflected Nepeta’s mood, were perfect crescents of happiness.

“Hi, efurryone,” she said. “Is this a Nepeta convention? I love conventions!”

“Hi!” said Kualie enthusiastically. “I’m Kualie. Efurryone else is a Nepeta. The one whose hive this is is the one with the light green coat.”

Nepeta felt obligated to introduce herself to Blue, and everyone else followed suit. Blue didn’t seem disconcerted by anyone, even Feral. She was very pleasant and cheerful, but not overly enthusiastic like Kualie. When questioned, she said that yes, she was still living in the same cave, no, she was not with Karkat, but that was okay, because yes, she had found someone else, maybe. She didn’t think they would know of him yet. Her coat was blue because of him. Yes, Equius approved.

This was the point at which Nepeta began to feel desperately tired again. She had been up very late and injured too boot, and it was definitely time to go back to bed.

The problem was, she didn’t want to leave the other Nepetas to their own devices. She was afraid they might get bored or not have enough to eat. Of course, Nepeta could take care of herself perfectly well on her own. But what about as a group? If all the Nepetas went out hunting at once and were seen, they might get in some serious trouble, especially considering their eclectic rainbow of coat colours. Or worse, what if they answered her computer again? If there was one person Nepeta didn’t want knowing about her current difficulties, it was Terezi. Or Vriska, or Eridan, or anyone else in her contacts list, really. Did her alternate selves have their husktops in their sylladexes? Could they get messages meant for her? She just didn’t know.

She needed a leader of some kind to look after the other five Nepetas while she slept. It couldn’t be Feral, for obvious reasons. Grey and Kualie both had impressive abilities, but Grey was too quiet and Kualie’s common sense was dubious. Dark Green probably didn’t know the land around the cave well enough anymore to properly direct hunting parties. It really should be Blue, even though she was the newest arrival.

“Hey efurryone,” Nepeta spoke up, tiredly, cutting off Grey by accident. Nobody got upset, probably because they could see her exhaustion in her face.

“You’re not hurt more, are you?” Gray said worriedly.

“She’s hurt?” Blue asked.

“No, no, I’m okay. I just need to go to sleep. But I was wondering if I could pawsibly talk to Blue alone fur a moment,” Nepeta said. Although Grey still looked concerned, the other Nepetas filed outside without protest.

“What’s up, kitty cat?” Blue said.

Nepeta sighed. “I don’t know how long I’m going to sleep fur, and I need someone to look after this litter while I’m out.”

“What’s the matter? Don’t you trust yourself?” Blue said, watching Nepeta’s face carefully.

“Well, yes. But these Nepetas aren’t exactly the same as me. Besides, something might happen, and we’re used to acting alone.”

Blue didn’t immediately respond, pondering Nepeta’s words. “Furom what you all told me about last night, it seems like we can organize pretty well if we need to.”

“Well, that’s true, but…” Nepeta paused, swishing her tail uncomfortably. She didn’t want Blue to think she disliked her other selves, because she didn’t. But she did doubt their mental stability – Kualie’s and Feral’s – and mental fortitude – Grey’s. But what if those feelings were just a reflection of what she felt about herself?

But there was nothing wrong with her… was there?

“It would make me feel better,” she finished lamely.

“Why me?” Blue said, not sounding judgemental, just curious.

“Because you seem the most like me,” Nepeta said.

Blue opened her mouth, and Nepeta, realising what she’d said, tried hastily to explain. “I mean, the most like how I am now, the most how I’m supposed to be. The happiest.”

“Kualie seems purretty happy to me,” Blue said.

Nepeta put her hand to her forehead and rubbed her eyes. “Please, I’m really tired,” she said.

Blue seemed to relax from her slightly tense, watchful attitude, and put her hand on Nepeta’s hat in a motherly sort of gesture.

“Sorry. I’ll take care of things fur you. Don’t worry. Go to sleep.”

“Thank you,” Nepeta said gratefully, glad the interrogation was over.

She slept until the afternoon. When she woke up, she was starving, so she made her way sleepily down to the main cave.

Kualie and Feral were drawing on the wall. Grey had tidied up the place a little, and Dark Green and Blue were in the middle of a conversation. Someone had been hunting, because there were a few dead animals on the fresh-kill pile. Things seemed peaceful. If anything bad had happened while Nepeta slept, they had hidden the evidence.

Kualie, noticing her arrival, said “Hi!” loudly. Blue giggled. Both she and Dark Green turned towards Nepeta.

“Has Equius stopped by yet?” Nepeta asked, going over to the pile of dead animals and selecting a squirrel.

“No,” Blue said. “Kualie, Feral, and Grey went hunting, by the way.”

“I saw,” Nepeta said, starting to skin the squirrel. “Do we know when Equius is coming?”

“No, but Feral and me are almost done here,” Kualie said, gesturing with one paint-covered hand. “And then I was going to go outside and start the fire, so he doesn’t have to come in.”

Nepeta took a bite of the squirrel and chewed thoughtfully. She did prefer to eat her meat cooked, but it was such a chore that she usually didn’t bother. Besides, sometimes there were times when you just needed to eat some fresh blood from a good hunt.

“I got the wood,” Dark Green volunteered.

“That sounds like a good plan, and thanks,” Nepeta said. She paused to chew. “I think I’m gonna go outside to finish this. I’ll see you all there in a moment.”

“Bye bye,” Kualie said, in such a chirpy way that nearly everyone laughed. Nepeta grinned and headed outside.

There was indeed a woodpile out there. Sitting down on the carefully constructed pile, Nepeta turned her attention to the serious business of stripping the meat from the bones of the squirrel. As she ate, she tossed the bones into the woodpile; they’d burn nicely.

It was a beautiful evening, with barely any clouds in the starry sky. A light breeze blew Nepeta’s hair and brought interesting scents in from the forest for her to sniff at. She detected the scent of deer and hoped there was a flock moving into the area. That would take care of all her food problems.

She was working on the fourth leg of the squirrel when Kualie emerged from the cave.

Nepeta noted that Kualie still had her coat buttoned up, though her hair wasn’t mussed and her hat was right-side out again.

Whatefur. Good enough.

“How are you feeling?” Kualie asked.

Nepeta thought about it for a moment, swallowed, and said, “Much better.”

“Yay!” Kualie said, scrunching up her eyes. Nepeta smiled.

“What were you two drawing?”

“Feral wanted me to show me her life,” Kualie said. “I think something happened to the Equius in her timeline, and that’s why she went feral.”

Huh. That was what would happen to her if Equius left her? Actually, that made a lot of sense. Because the problems of most of the visiting Nepetas stemmed from the fact that Karkat didn’t love them, Nepeta had assumed that so did Feral’s. But she was glad that this wasn’t the case. It meant that the worst case scenario for her future was back to being Grey. Nepeta was almost glad to know that if something happened to Equius, she would go feral. That would be so much easier than living alone.

“Poor thing,” Nepeta said.

“Yeah,” Kualie agreed. “I’m trying to help her talk properly again, but she hadn’t said a word yet.”

“If I were her, I’d never want to speak again,” Nepeta said with feeling, tossing the last bone aside.

“But you can’t live like that,” Kualie said sadly. “Even if you don’t want to talk about it, that doesn’t mean you don’t think about it. All the time. Brown-coat is killing herself slowly.”

 _Haven’t we always known we’d have to die to be with Karkat?_ Nepeta wondered. That meant death wouldn’t be so bad, would it? Perhaps Kualie thought differently, thinking as a snow lion and all.

“Maybe that’s better than being alone,” she said.

Kualie shook her head emphatically. “No! You can’t think like that. You have to hope that you can find someone else.”

_And end up like Dark Green?_

Nepeta didn’t want to say that aloud.

Fortunately, she was saved by the arrival of Equius, with a large dead purrbeast draped over each shoulder. One had had its face smashed in. The other one, strangled. Nepeta suddenly felt guilty.

Kualie greeted Equius cheerfully. He replied to her brusquely, then turned to Nepeta.

“I found these beasts in the woods. Are they the culprits of your nocturnal assailment?”

“Um, yes, that one,” Nepeta lied, pointing to the one on the right shoulder, the face-smashed one.

“Would you like me to deposit them here, or should I dispose of them?” Equius asked.

“Oh, you can leave them here,” Nepeta said. “We’ll eat them.”

“Very well,” Equius said, dumping both corpses on the ground. He let them slide off of his shoulders gently in order to avoid pulverizing them into the dirt.

“I bet they’ll be delicious,” Kualie said.

“I’m sure,” Equius said, not sounding convinced at all. Probably because he usually got his food in the processed and packaged format.

Nepeta was about to comment something to that effect, when she noticed something. A ball of light was forming directly next to Equius. Another Nepeta. Oh, great.

Hopping off the woodpile, Nepeta grabbed Equius’s hands and spun him around so his back was to the ball of light. Kualie looked confused, but then her eyes widened, and she moved to put herself between Equius and the new arrival.

“Equius, I think we should rp,” Nepeta announced.

“Now?” Equius said suspiciously.

Nepeta nodded earnestly, giving him the biggest kitten eyes she could.

“Well…”

Nepeta was almost convinced her spur-of-the-moment plan would work, when she heard a voice from Kualie’s direction saying, “What the actual fuck?”


	8. Black.

Equius spun around. “Kualie! Watch your…”

He stopped mid-sentence and stared. Nepeta couldn’t blame him.

The new Nepeta wore a black coat and a very surly expression. Instead of having light blue accessories with dark blue trim, she had ones that were all dark blue with light trim, so she looked very dark and almost… backwards. The eyes on her hat were so angry they were almost demonic.

“Who are you?” Equius said, and Nepeta could tell from the way he was tensing up that he was going to attack if he didn’t like the answer. Of course. From his perspective, a dark and angry stranger had suddenly appeared at the hive of his wounded moirail.

“I’m your fucking meowrail. And who are these bitches?” Black Nepeta said, gesturing at Kualie and Nepeta. They looked at each other. Nepeta didn’t know whether she should laugh or cry. Kualie looked like she was just going to laugh.

“We’re other version of you,” Kualie said brightly, going for the direct route.

“What?” said Equius.

Black looked like she was about to start spewing angry tirades, so Nepeta said, “Kualie will explain efurrything. Kualie, please take her inside, and send out Blue-coat, Dark Green-coat, and Grey-coat.”

Kualie nodded, but Black said, “What? No way! I’m not going anywhere! Who made you in charge?” She backed away from Kualie.

“Nepeta,” Equius said in a thunderous voice, “I demand an explanation for this foolishness right now.”

There was a silence. Even Kualie wasn’t smiling now. Without a word, Black started stomping off towards the cave, her whole posture suggesting that she didn’t like it. Kualie followed quickly.

“Nepeta, what is going on?” Equius said as the others disappeared inside. His voice was less angry and more bewildered. “Who were those strange people? And why did they look like you?”

Nepeta sat down on the woodpile again, feeling very tired.

“For three days now, alternate future versions of me have been apurring hear at my hive, and I don’t know why.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Equius said. “How do you know they are really you?”

“I guess I don’t,” Nepeta said, shrugging. “But why wouldn’t they be? I’ve seen them apurr in front of me. They’re not just walking in.”

“But alternate future selves? That’s impossible!” Equius scoffed.

“I know it’s strange,” Nepeta said, picking up the end of her tail to play with for comfort. “And I didn’t even want to believe it. But they really are me.”

Glancing over her shoulder, she saw Dark Green, Blue, and Grey waiting in the cave entrance. She nodded at them, and they came forward.

Dark Green and Grey looked worried, but Blue had a very strange expression. Nepeta couldn’t decipher it, and prayed that she wouldn’t do anything to make Equius angry. Angrier. Dark Green and Grey came to flank Nepeta, but Blue strode past her and stood in front of Equius with her hands on her hips.

“I know that I’m in the wrong timeline and all that, but you’re still my meowrail, and I still miss you, so I’m going to hug you.”

Before the dumbfounded Equius could say anything other than “Uh,” Blue tacklepounced him.

Equius made some indignant sputtering noises, and Dark Green stuffed her paw into her mouth to keep from laughing. Nepeta was just about to write this off as an unqualified disaster, when –

“Get off me,” Equius said. But his voice wasn’t angry so much as adorably grumpy. He sounded the same as he did when Nepeta herself tacklepounced him.

It seemed Blue had gotten through to Equius.

The two of them got up and brushed themselves down. Blue was laughing, so Dark Green stopped trying to hold it in and joined her.

“Are either of you going to do something equally foolish?” Equius asked Grey and Dark Green. The latter offered him a quick hug. Grey did nothing.

“Nepeta,” Equius began, looking concerned.

“Yes?” all four Nepetas answered at once.

“Uh…”

“We’re calling each other by the colours of our coats,” Nepeta said helpfully.

“Oh. Uh, Green Nepeta?”

“Yes?”

Equius started twiddling a piece of his hair between two fingers. “Are those other two individuals also versions of yourself? The Kualie girl and that lewd-mouthed ruffian?”

“Oh… yes,” Nepeta admitted. “Do you want to meet them again?”

“I believe once was good enough for now, thank you.”

Blue and Dark Green laughed. Nepeta giggled.

Equius snorted, folding his arms and tossing his hair back. Nepeta touched his shoulder.

“Thanks again for bringing us some food,” she said, indicating the corpses he had left on the ground.

He grunted. “Looks like you’ll need more.”

“I know you don’t like hunting,” Nepeta said. “We can manage from here, don’t worry.”

Both Equius and Nepeta were conveniently ignoring the reason Equius had killed those purrbeasts to begin with. Surely Equius knew there was more to the story now. But even if he had known about Feral, Nepeta wouldn’t have wanted to tell him the truth. She didn’t want him getting angry with Feral.

Equius looked as if he were about to take issue with Nepeta’s assertion, but Blue said quickly, “We’ll take good care of her.”

Nodding slowly, Equius said, “Green Nepeta. I will message you this evening.”

“Okay,’ Nepeta agreed.

“You’re going so soon?” Blue sounded disappointed.

“I have to be back at my hive before sunup,” Equius said, shrugging his broad shoulders.

“Well, it was nice to see you,” Blue said, smiling. Dark Green and Grey added their own versions of thanks. With that, Equius took his leave.

Watching him reatreat into the woods, Nepeta gave a sigh of relief that that little conversation was out of the way. But at the same time, that Trollian conversation sounded ominons. She hoped he wasn’t going to be angry with her, but that was probably a vain hope.

“It seems we have dinner,” Blue said brightly, picking up the two carcases Equius had left behind.

Dark Green volunteered to get the others, and soon all seven of them were assembled outside on Nepeta’s lawnring.


	9. Catfight.

Fortunately, Blue had sent out a hunting party earlier that night, so there was plenty of food for all. The seven Nepetas (or six Nepetas and one Kualie) skinned the meat, carved spits, got the fire going, and roasted their dinner.

It was a fairly friendly affair – Nepeta was friendly by nature, no matter the colour of her coat. Blue, Kualie, and Dark Green were responsible for the greatest share of the chatter. Feral, who preferred to eat her meat raw, helped with the skinning and then retreated to the edge of the group to eat, her nose twitching occasionally. Black Nepeta, the newest arrival, was the only one who was visibly unhappy. She had chosen not to help at all, instead sitting on the opposite side of the circle to Feral, scowling at everyone and replying in oaths, limited snatches of sarcasm, or monosyllabic grunts.

When at last the food was done, each Nepeta (except Feral) came forward to take a share. When Black approached the spit, Feral started growling.

“Hey, I thought we were cool,” Black said to Feral, who regarded her with a silent snarl, teeth bared.

“So that’s how it’s gonna be,” Black said disgustedly, turning back to the fire. Feral tensed up and began to growl again.

Nepeta smelled a confrontation. She quickly stepped in front of Black. “Hey, why don’t we wait a minute and find out what Brown Nepeta has to say,” she said sweetly. “Kualie can translate for us.”

“The meat will go cold, you stupid fuck,” Black snapped, clearly at the end of her non-existent patience. The other Nepetas drew back. Feral yowled, raising herself into a crouch.

“Hey, Black Nepeta,” Kualie said loudly.

“That’s not my name,” Black said, equally loudly, in a tone that suggested she was seriously questioning Kualie’s intelligence.

Kualie ignored the reply and the tone. “Brown Nepeta would like you all to know that she thinks it’s very rude to take food that you didn’t help catch or cook.”

Black turned around to face Kualie, who was standing in front of Feral, much as Nepeta was standing in front of Black.

“Oh yeah? Well, so is shoving me in a cave right after I’ve been whirled through fucking time and space and gog knows what else, and then I didn’t even get a chance to talk to my own fucking moirail!” Black’s fur bristled.

“I’m sorry about that,” Nepeta said evenly, coming to stand beside Black. “Your arrival was just a little bit unexpected, that’s all.”

She could see where Black was coming from, of course, but there really hadn’t been any other option at the time… not really, anyway.

“Besides, we didn’t want make Equius explode his blood pusher,” Blue said gently. “I think if he had to wrap his head around the contrast between you and Kualie, he’d be in very legitimate danger.”

A few Nepetas laughed.

“ _My_ Equius doesn’t give a shit.”

Blue sighed and opened her mouth.

“Besides, who put _you _in charge?” Black cut in, before Blue could respond.__

__“No one is in charge. Blue is just using her brain,” Dark Green said. Nepeta was shocked that her other selves could be so confrontational, but Dark Green had always been different… and besides, arguing with _yourself_ was very different from arguing with a stranger._ _

__“If anyone’s in charge, it’s Green Nepeta,” Grey Nepeta suggested. “It’s her hive, after all.”_ _

__“Hey, _Green_ ,” Black said, turning to Nepeta. “Do you care if I eat my gogdamn dinner?”_ _

__Nepeta looked at Feral, who was watching her intently. “Go ahead,” Nepeta said, trying not to sound hesitant, “But please help out in the future.”_ _

__“Yeah, sure,” Black said, finally taking her lukewarm dinner. Feral, seeming to accept Nepeta’s decision, sat back on her haunches, blinking slowly. Everyone else relaxed, some Nepetas sitting down again, some simply picking their food back up and continuing to eat._ _

__The silence that followed in the wake of that little outburst was distinctly uncomfortable. The fire, dying down, crackled and spluttered. The wind was blowing gently, but it was too early for leaves to fall. The two moons were low on the horizon, one behind the dark trees, the other just above them._ _

__Black, perhaps feeling awkward and wanting to get back into Nepeta’s good graces, said, “It’s weird how different we are, isn’t it?”_ _

___You’re telling me_ , Nepeta thought._ _

__“Well, how different have our lives been?” Blue said. “Who’s the youngest here? Green Nepeta?”_ _

__“I’m fifteen years old,” Nepeta said, swallowing a mouthful of meat._ _

__“Were all of you still living in this cave when you were fifteen?” blue asked the other five Nepetas._ _

__“Yes, and I was depressed,” Dark Green and Grey said simultaneously. Kualie spoke also, substituting “Nepeta” for “I.”_ _

__They all looked at each other. Nobody laughed._ _

__“Yeah, well, obviously she still is,” Black said, pointing at Nepeta._ _

__“Hey, what?” Nepeta said in surprise._ _

__“It’s really fucking obvious. You don’t smile, and you look like you haven’t slept for a week.”_ _

__Startled, Nepeta considered Blacks’ words. It was true that nothing had been very fun or exciting for her lately… and she wasn’t really sleeping… but she hadn’t thought much of it, before. In fact, she hadn’t thought about much at all, until the other Nepetas showed up._ _

__“I guess… that makes purrfect sense,” she said blankly._ _

__“Ha,” Black said. “It makes sense _now_ , doesn’t it?” She looked around at the circle of Nepetas for confirmation of her theory._ _

__“Yes,” Blue said. Grey nodded. The rest looked blank._ _

__“We’re different because we all dealt with those feelings in different ways,” Black said impatiently. She didn’t need to add that the source of the depression was. They all knew. Karkat. Of course._ _

__Feral meowed. Black’s expression changed to disgust. With an air of _Oh, what is it now_ she turned to Feral and Kualie, who were sitting next to each other._ _

__“Brown Nepeta says you’re still depressed,” Kualie said gently. “She says you smell like a very sick kitten.”_ _

__Feral’s eyes glittered._ _

__“What the fuck is _that_ supposed to mean?” Black snapped. “Fine “talk” that is, coming from people who’d rather go crazy than live in the real world.”_ _

__Feral hissed, but it was a hiss of surprise and pain, not rage._ _

__“Hey, that’s mean!” Kualie said angrily. “You don’t know what happened to her.”_ _

__“I wasn’t just talking to _her_ ,” Black retorted. After taking a few moments to process that, Kualie shrugged. “I have no idea what you mean,” she said blithely. “I know who I am.”_ _

__“Hey, hey,” Blue said warningly, as Black opened her mouth again. Naturally, Black ignored her._ _

__“Listen to me,” Black said, in the same tone that one would use to explain something to a pigheaded toddler, “Your name is not Kualie Roo-whatever. It is Nepeta Leijon. You are not a snow lion. You are an olive blooded troll with a purrbeast lusus. Why else would you have ended up here with the rest of us Nepetas?”_ _

__“If being Nepeta means being like you, then I don’t want to be,” Kualie said, her voice shaking. “How can you be so angry and mean?”_ _

__“Both of you!” Blue said loudly, standing up. “That is enough!”_ _

__This time, Black turned around and paid attention. Grey, who was sitting next to Blue, looked petrified._ _

__“I don’t want to hear this,” Grey said miserably._ _

__“You’re not –” Black began, and Grey promptly burst into tears._ _

__“What did you go and do that for?” Dark Green said, standing up too._ _

__Everyone looked at Black. To Nepeta’s surprise, she looked absolutely horrified._ _

__“I’m sorry, N – Grey Nepeta,” she said pleadingly. “I was going to say that you weren’t involved.”_ _

__“Of course she’s involved,” Blue said harshly. “If you insult one of us, you insult all of us, because we’re all the same person. Or have you become so disconnected from reality that you can’t understand that?”_ _

__Black opened her mouth and closed it several times, like a fish. Grey was still crying quietly, with Dark Green holding her protectively. Feral was crouching in defensiveness and dejection, while Kualie had her arms crossed, stony-faced. Nepeta had sunk into a strange torpor, and was trying not to make eye contact with anyone. And there was Blue, demanding some kind of answer._ _

__“I… I understand,” Black said, though she still sounded belligerent._ _

__Blue did not sit down; Black stared at her for a moment, then apologized again to Grey, turned to Kualie and Feral and muttered, “Sorry.”_ _

__“I’m sorry too,” Kualie said sadly._ _

__Blue sat down. Everyone else heaved a collective sigh of relief. Grey wiped her eyes._ _

__But Nepeta had to wonder – if her selves could not love each other, then who could possibly love them?_ _


	10. F33lings jam.

**\--arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling centaursTesticle [CT]–-**  
AC: :33 ~ hi equius!  
CT: D-- > Nepeta  
CT: D--> I trust I am speaking with the incarnation of yourself who naturally resides within this timeline  
AC: :33 ~ yes, its me.  
AC: :33 ~ hey, i just want to apawlogize again fur not telling you kualie was another me and that other mes were here…  
AC: :33 ~ furankly, i didnt think youd believe me.  
CT: D--> Nepeta if you said you were being set upon by a horde of unr001y hoofbeasts I w001d believe you  
AC: :33 ~ no you wouldnt you would argue with me.  
CT: D--> If you were in any kind of trouble I w001d rush to your aid regardless of any protestations I might make along the way  
AC: :33 ~ i guess i believe that.  
CT: D--> Nepeta  
CT: D--> You have not been acting like yourself for a long time now  
CT: D--> Is this why  
AC: :33 ~ great kittens, no! they only showed up starting monday.  
CT: D--> No  
CT: D--> I meant your nonplayful unwillingness to believe me  
CT: D--> Have you lost faith in me to the point where you feel you can no longer depend on me  
AC: :33 ~ what? no!!!  
AC: :33 ~ of course that isnt the case! equius i dont know what id do without you and that will nefur be otherwise!  
CT: D--> Then what is it  
CT: D--> Tell me I command you  
AC: :33 ~ i cant :((  
CT: D--> Ridiculous f001ishness  
CT: D--> Why not  
AC: :33 ~ i think youll be angry with me  
AC: :33 ~ or worse with someone i like  
CT: D--> If it really means that much to you I will attempt to restrain myself from e%pressing anger or disapproval of any kind  
CT: D--> You have my word  
CT: D--> Now tell me  
AC: :33 ~ im flushed fur someone but he doesn’t like me back  
AC: :33 ~ thats all theres efur b33n  
AC: :33 ~ and thats all there will efur be  
CT: D--> Who is it  
AC: :33 ~ its karcat  
CT: D--> Ah  
CT: D--> The cement b100ded cretin  
AC: :33 ~ equius purrlease :((  
CT: D--> I sh001d have seen this coming  
CT: D--> I will forgive you because of that  
CT: D--> You’re young and f001ish  
CT: D--> It’s not your fault  
AC: :33 ~ equius i dont think you understand!  
AC: :33 ~ i love him so much it hurts  
CT: D--> That is known as infatuation  
AC: :33 ~ but i cant make it go away  
AC: :33 ~ i dont want it any more  
AC: :33 ~ i just want to be happy again  
AC: :33 ~ but i cant stop loving karkitty because i cant stop pitying him!  
CT: D--> Can you see yourself facing down an imperial drone with him  
AC: :33 ~ yes.  
CT: D--> Then I have no choice but to believe you  
CT: D--> My condolences  
CT: D--> Karkat does not deserve you  
AC: :33 ~ cant you look past your dislike of him fur even one confursation?  
CT: D--> I am  
CT: D--> You are vastly superior to him in all respects  
CT: D--> You are an extremely high calibre person  
CT: D--> Higher calibre than even myself  
AC: :33 ~ you really think that?  
CT: D--> I do  
AC :33 ~ ♦  
AC: :33 ~ equius what do i do?  
AC: :33 ~ how can i let him go without becoming like my other selves here?  
CT: D--> Have you told him how you feel  
AC: :33 ~ no but i think hes about to go out with terezi.  
CT: D--> I suggest you do that  
CT: D--> It might give you some closure  
CT: D--> I’m sure you will find someone else  
CT: D--> Hopefully someone with better b100d  
AC: :33 ~ theres always eridan  
CT: D--> He is a very low calibre of person in spite of his magnificent b100d  
CT: D--> The thought of it makes me… sweat  
AC: :33 ~ equius! i wasnt serious!  
CT: D--> I see  
AC: :33 ~ is it okay if i go?  
AC: :33 ~ i want to take your advice right now.  
CT: D--> It’s fine  
CT: D--> Good luck Nepeta  
AC: :33 ~ Good night ♦  
CT: D--> ♦  
**\--[CT] ceased trolling [AC]--**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The "can you see yourself facing an emperial drone with him" thing comes from this excellent, excellent fan adventure right here: [Be The Seadweller Lowblood](http://mspfanventures.com/?s=288). Although it minimizes Katnep, it is hilarious, well-written, and in my opinion wonderful. Go check it out!


	11. The Dam Breaks.

**\--arsenicCatnip [AC] began trolling carcinoGeneticist [CG]—**  
AC: :33 ~ karkitty?  
CG: WHAT IS IT NOW, CAT-GIRL?  
AC: :33 ~ karkitty, can i tell you something?  
CG: WHAT KIND OF SOMETHING ARE WE TALKING, HERE?  
CG: I’M NOT SIGNING UP TO HEAR ABOUT ANYONE’S COLONOSCOPY, THANK YOU VERY FUCKING MUCH.  
AC: :33 ~ no, not that kind of thing at all!  
AC: :33 ~ a sort of confession, really.  
CG: OH GOG, HERE WE GO, THE ONE WAY TRAIN TO IDIOTSVILLE.  
CG: YEAH, OKAY. LET’S GET THIS SHIT OVER WITH.  
AC: :33 ~ you already know, dont you?  
AC: :33 ~ that im flushed fur you.  
CG: YEAH, I KNEW.  
AC: :33 ~ im sorry.  
CG: WHAT ARE YOU APOLOGIZING FOR, DUMBASS?  
AC: :33 ~ fur bothering you with my f33lings, i guess.  
CG: WOW, THAT ACTUALLY MAKES ME FEEL WORSE.  
CG: I’M SORRY THAT I CAN’T RETURN THEM.  
CG: I LIKE YOU A LOT, NEPETA, I REALLY DO. BUT ONLY AS A FRIEND.  
AC: :33 ~ i understand.  
CG: ARE YOU CRYING?  
AC: :33 ~ yes, i am.  
AC: :33 ~ karkitty, i don’t think these f33lings are going to go away.  
AC: :33 ~ im really sorry.  
CG: STOP FUCKING APOLOGIZING, ALREADY!  
CG: I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT YOU SEE IN ME, SERIOUSLY.  
CG: LOOK, YOU’LL FIND SOMEONE ELSE, FORGET ABOUT ME, AND SAIL OFF INTO THE RETARDED CLICHÉ SUNSET WITH THEM.  
CG: I’M NOT THE ONLY SELF-RIGHTEOUS DOUCHEBAG ON THE PLANET, YOU KNOW.  
CG: NEPETA?  
AC: :33 ~ yes  
AC: :33 ~ thank you, karkitty.  
AC: :33 ~ i wont bring this up again.  
AC: :33 ~ goodbye.  
CG: WAIT JUST ONE FUCKING MINUTE, NEPETA LEIJON.  
CG: YOU’RE NOT GOING TO DO SOMETHING STUPID NOW, ARE YOU?  
AC: :33 ~ no, im not.  
AC: :33 ~ dont worry about me, i have furiends with me.  
CG: GOOD. YOU MAKE SURE TO TELL THEM FROM ME TO TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOU, OKAY?  
AC: :33 ~ good night, karkitty. ♥  
**\--[AC] ceased trolling [CG]—-**

Equius was right. Confessing to Karkat had done her some good. With those tears, the three months of being unable to cry were over.


	12. Transcendant.

“See?” Dark Green said. “Even Karkat thinks we’ll be able to find someone else.”

Dark Green, Black, and Kualie were clustered around Nepeta’s husktop, eagerly reading the two chat logs she had just produced. Nepeta herself had been crying in Blue’s arms for the past half hour. She was done now, and she felt so much better for it. Grey was hovering between the two groups, wanting to comfort Nepeta and satisfy her own catly curiosity at the same time. Feral was petting Pounce delightedly, seeming to be uninterested in the emotional developments. All of them were back in the main cave, and they should have been in bed, but this was just too exciting. 

“Karcat is wrong,” Black said disparagingly. 

“No he isn’t,” Dark Green said. “Karkat ships too, you know. Secretly.” she sniffed in disdain. 

“I think we should always look on the bright side!” Kualie said. She was perfectly back in character, but there was a defiant edge to her now, as if she were daring the other Nepetas to try commenting on it again. 

“What do you think, Green Nepeta?” Blue asked gently. 

Nepeta sighed, hugging her knees to her chest. “I guess I have no choice but to believe him,” she said. 

“Maybe that’s not a bad thing?” Blue suggested. 

“I’m as old as you are, and I never found someone who was flushed for me,” Grey said to Blue, gloomily. 

“Hey, yeah,” Dark Green said, looking up from the husktop abruptly. “You’re with someone, Blue, aren’t you? Why don’t you tell us about it?”

“We could use a happy ending right about now,” Kualie said encouragingly. 

Blue shifted uncomfortably, and Nepeta looked at her curiously. 

“She doesn’t want to tell us,” Black said. “Her matesprit is probably imaginary or some shit.”

“I assure you he’s real,” Blue said indignantly. 

“Then let’s hear it.”

Nobody was playing with the husktop anymore; all eyes were on Blue. 

“Wouldn’t it be dangerous?” Blue said. “You know, to tell you what happens in another timeline?”

“We’ve been doing that all week,” Dark Green snorted. “I would know. I was here first.”

“But this is the most important question in any timeline,” Nepeta said, feeling slightly sorry for Blue, though she was just as curious as the others. 

“Look,” Black began, but Dark Green interrupted her. 

“Come on, Blue Nepeta, please. You’re the only hope we’ve got.”

Looking around to the other Nepetas, then to the tear-stained face of the one beside her, Blue took a deep breath. 

“Okay, I’ll tell you,” she said. “But only if you promise not to… not to judge me.”

Dark Green, Black, Grey, Kualie, and Nepeta looked at her in confusion. 

“Okay, I purromise,” Kualie said easily. 

“Me too,” Grey said softly. The others nodded assent. 

Sitting up straighter, and folding her arms, Blue said, “It’s Equius.”

Jaws dropped. Grey looked as if she were about to faint. Nepeta could not understand what she had heard. Blue had broken out of the pale quadrant? Ridiculous! Not only could Nepeta not comprehend the possible loss of her moirallegience, but she didn’t find Equius attractive at all. Well, not that way. 

“I’m definitely being judged,” Blue said wryly. “I’m sure it’s a shock to most of you. But let me explain! I didn’t break quadrants with him. We’re still technically meowrails. We just sort of… transcended the quadrants.”

“You’re in two quadrants at once?” Nepeta said cautiously. 

“No,” Blue said. “How can I explain?”

She thought about it for a moment. 

“You know how trolls have a four-chambered blood pusher?”

Looking around for confirmation, Blue saw heads nodding and continued. 

“Well, imagine each chamber belongs to one quadrant. You’d think they’re all sepurrate, right? But they’re not. Most trolls try to get fur people in their quadrants, to fill each chamber of their bloodpusher separately. But I have filled my whole heart with one purrson.”

That made sense. But Nepeta found that she still couldn’t see herself having a relationship like that with Equius… although she could see it with Karkat, which didn’t help. 

“That’s fantastic!” said Kualie. 

“You think so?” Blue said, blushing. 

“There’s a purr – a precedent,” Grey said. 

“What?”

“You know that one cave that’s’ been blocked by a rockfall since before we can remember?” Grey asked, gesturing in the direction of said cave. 

“Yes?”

“Well, I got it to open. There are cave paintings in there, and they were written by our ancestor. I know, because she used her own blood. And she signed it,” Grey explained. 

“No way,” Black said. 

“No, really.”

“What does it say?” Dark Green asked eagerly. 

“It says a lot of very treasonous things,” Grey said enthusiastically. “But it also says that our ancestor transcended the quadrants, with someone called the Signless.”

“No way,” Blue said. 

“It’s true,” Grey said shyly. “But I don’t know what happened to them because it takes up more than one cave and I still can’t get into the second one.”

“To think that was in our own hive this whole time, and we didn’t know,” Blue said wonderingly. 

“It’s so neat!” Kualie agreed. 

“Huh,” Black said, evidently still in disbelief. 

“I used to think that because my ancestor was so lucky in love, I was doomed to be alone,” Grey said suddenly, looking down at her feet. 

“Is that why you became celibate?” Dark Green asked. 

Grey shook her head. “Maybe a little. But if you want the real reasons, don’t ask me. Ask yourself. I don’t want to convince anyone to do anything they wouldn’t have done otherwise. This is a hard path.”

“Is it worth it?” Kualie asked. 

Grey hesitated for just a moment too long. “For – for me, I think so,” she said. 

“But what does Equius think?” said Blue. 

Biting her lip, Grey said, “He doesn’t like it. We rarely talk.”

And that, Nepeta thought, was why she could never be like Gray. And she didn’t think anyone else here would disagree with her. 

“Gog, I thought I was a cold-hearted bitch, but this just takes the fucking cake,” Black exclaimed. “Do you want to be responsible for him beating up some innocent wrigglers or something?”

Grey flinched. “I told him if it’s an emergency, he can still contact me,” she said. 

“Yeah, and fat chance he will, when you’re making him feel like a big fucking burden,” Black said. 

Now Grey was looking as if she might cry again. Nepeta desperately did not want that. She just didn’t want to be there anymore, with these squabbling selves of hers.

Fortunately, Blue intervened. “Hey, guys, it’s past our bedtime,” she said loudly. 

“I’m going to bed,” Nepeta mumbled, rushing towards the cave exit. 

“Me too!” said Kualie. 

Black took the hint and backed off. 

“Yeah, okay,” she said. “Good night.”

They were nearly out of sopor now, even with Equius’s donation, and Nepeta didn’t know if they had set up hammocks for Black and Blue yet. But Blue could handle it. As far as she was concerned, this horrible day was over.


	13. Brown.

That morning, Nepeta woke up at a reasonable hour. As she got dressed, she reflected on the events of the previous day. She still felt pretty neutral, but at least she didn’t feel numb anymore. There was emotional promise in the day ahead. What a strange feeling. She was half afraid that she would plunge right back into numbness again; she felt as if she were perched on some kind of edge, but she didn’t know why. 

As for the other Nepetas, she thought that purrhaps they were changing too. Kualie, she suspected, might crack soon. She really hoped Black would change or leave soon, because she was so unpleasant. But, somehow, she was hitting straight through to the truths of their situations. Which made her even worse, because she was right. If only she could apply that sharp eye to herself and curb her anger. 

It was a good thing they had Blue and Dark Green. Although Nepeta didn’t like Dark Green’s life choices, at least Dark Green was emotionally stable. As for Blue… well, Nepeta was conflicted about her. Blue herself was nice enough, and the future she represented was a bright one… but Nepeta still couldn’t see it as the kind of future she’d want for herself. 

Entering the main room, Nepeta found Blue, Gray, Green, Kualie, and Feral awake. Black was mercifully still aslepe. 

“Morning,” Nepeta said, grabbing some of the leftover meat from last night. “You cats sleep well?”

“Not me,” Kualie said, yawning. “Brown couldn’t sleep, so I couldn’t sleep. Such is life.”

Feral let out a little ‘mrrt’ of amusement. Nepeta wondered if she was picking up on Kualie’s tone, or if she actually understood what Kualie was saying. 

“Is she alright?” Nepeta said. 

“Oh yes,” Kualie assured her. “But I think she’d like to see Equius.”

“I’ll see what I can do,” Nepeta said, wondering how to prepare Equius for this one. 

“Hey, have you made any progress in the getting-us-home department?” Dark Green asked. 

“No,” Nepeta admitted. “I’ll troll Sollux though. He should be back now.”

When she was finished eating and had hopped on Trollian, she attempted to explain the situation to Sollux as a hypothetical question for an rp. He got Aradia to come talk to her too, and between the two of them they agreed that they had no idea what was going on. But it had to involve someone with two or more of the following: Strong time powers, incredible telepathic powers, and/or a very close connection to Nepeta herself. 

Nepeta wondered if it could be another Nepeta they were talking about, but she didn’t have Psiioniics or time powers. Another Nepeta who had help from an alternate universe Aradia, maybe?

As for the question of could Sollux and Aradia send them all back, the answer to that one was also no. 

She was about to deliver the bad news when Feral began growling. Someone was trying to get into the cave. 

Not another Nepeta?

Nepeta jumped up, ran to the “door,” and peered outside. It was Equius.

Turning to the others, Nepeta mouthed his name, and then stepped outside.

“Equius!” she said, hugging him. He quickly returned the hug, seeming slightly surprised. 

“You’re… different,” he said. 

“Yes, I took your advice,” Nepeta replied. “I talked to Karkitty.”

“Oh,” Equius said. “I’m glad you recognized my advice for the superior stuff that it is.”

Nepeta laughed. 

“So what brings you here?” she asked. 

“I brought you more food and spoor,” he said, producing two grubloaves and a large barrel from his sylladex. 

“Wow, thanks,” Nepeta said gratefully, taking the grubloaves. Equius set down the barrel for her to roll inside. 

“Erm – do you have any plans to return these duplicates from whence they came?” Equius asked. 

“Well, we’re working on it,” Nepeta said. She was about to elaborate when she realized that Equius was looking over her shoulder. 

Feral was watching them from just inside the doorway. 

“Who is that?” Equius said uncertainly. Nepeta could tell he was flustered, probably not sure whether Feral was another Nepeta or not. 

“That’s Brown Nepeta. She’s feral. I don’t know if something happened to her, or…”

Nepeta’s voice trailed off. Feral was looking at Equius intently, as if she couldn’t believe that he was there and was drinking in his presence. Nepeta could swear there was a spark of intelligence in her eyes. 

Suddenly she stumbled forward, out of the doorway, moving much differently to her normal, graceful, predatory self. Kualie had pushed her out of the hive and taken her place in the doorway. 

Feral instinctively dropped into a crouch. Equius took a step back, but Nepeta moved aside, out of Feral’s way. 

“Don’t worry, she doesn’t want to hurt you,” Kualie said to Equius. “She just wants to see you.”

Equius looked at Nepeta helplessly. She could see sweat beading on his forehead. 

Mouthing, “Be gentle,” she smiled at him encouragingly. He looked back at Feral. 

“Nepeta?” he said. 

Feral was still watching his face. When she heard her name, she nodded, slowly, and pulled herself upright. 

Her posture was stooped and tense, but she was standing straight. She walked towards Equius, who was rooted to the spot, sweating freely. Feral circled slowly around him, felt the texture of his hair, ran her fingers over his broken horn. When she arrived back in front of him, she reached out gently, touched his cheekbone, and then licked her finger to taste the sweat on it. 

There was dead silence. 

“Equius,” Feral sighed. Then she put her arms around him, and he hugged her in return. Nepeta could see by his face that he was still not sure what to do, but he hadn’t rejected Feral and that was good enough for everyone. 

After a moment, Feral let go and took two safe paces back. Her gaze was still intense, but somehow calmer. 

She spoke again. “Equius?”

“Yes?”

Her voice was rusty, slow, dry. She sounded more like a cat than a troll. But she was speaking. 

“Please furrgive me.”

“For what?” Equius said, looking worried. 

“She wants you to forgive her for something she did in another timeline,” Kualie said quickly. 

“Yes,” Feral said simply. 

“What was it?” Equius said, frowning. 

“She –” Kualie began, but Brown held her hand up to silence her. Very slowly and laboriously, she said, “I could not save you… I… seen… no… I watched… you… you died… I did… nothing.”

Equius looked startled. “What? Who killed me?”

Brown looked around helplessly, shaking her head. 

“She either doesn’t want to say the name, or she can’t remember,” Kualie said. 

“Were you in danger yourself?” Equius said. 

Silently, Brown lifted her tattered shirt. A thick scar ran from her left hip all the way up to her right shoulder. 

“Oh my gog,” Equius said. Brown dropped the hem of her shirt as if it were burning her fingers. 

“I’m so glad you’re still alive,” Equius said fervently. “I see no need to forgive you for anything.”

Brown’s face twitched. She seemed to be trying to make several different expressions at once. She was grimacing in what seemed to be pain before Nepeta realized that she might be trying to cry, but had forgotten how. 

Equius had more trouble deciphering Brown’s expression. When he finally understood, he held out his arms to her. And Brown, showing the young, cat-loving troll who still lived somewhere deep within her dumb and damaged heart, ran into his arms.


	14. Bad News.

As Equius let go of Brown, he wiped his face on his arm. Nepeta thought at first it was because he was sweating, but then realized he had been crying. 

Brown, apparently tuckered out by all the talking, said, “Thank you,” and went to stand beside Kualie, who opened the door to let the other Nepetas out. Equius’s eyes widened as he saw how many of them there were. 

“There are seven of you,” he said. 

“Yes, and we’re expecting two more,” Nepeta informed him. 

“Oh dear,” Equius said. Several Nepetas laughed at the understatement. 

Equius didn’t stay for much longer after that. They chatted for a little while, but neither Equius nor Nepeta were really that good at socializing with crowds. Black was beginning to seem more awake, so Nepeta guessed it wouldn’t be long before she was causing trouble again. 

Once he was gone, they were about to take the two barrels of sopor slime inside, when Kualie said, “Wait.” 

Her voice sounded serious. She was holding her tail in her hands, a nervous expression on her face. 

“Guys, I have something to tell you.”

“We’re listening,” Blue said. Kualie twisted her tail between her fingers. 

“I purromised Brown that if she talked again, I would try to be Nepeta again…” 

Brown purred encouragingly, and Kualie swallowed, a determined light in her eyes.

“So could I purrlease borrow somebody’s spare coat?” she finished. Then Kualie took off her hat, gloves, coat, and tail, leaving no trace of teal on herself, except for her hair.

Nepeta grabbed a green coat from her sylladex and tossed it to Kualie. Dark Green produced a pair of shoes, while Blue took out an old hat and tail for her. 

“Thank you so much, efurryone,” Kualie, now Teal Nepeta (for her hair) said gratefully. 

“Teal?” Black said. Nepeta and Blue looked at her warningly. “You should keep your belt. I think it looks cool.”

She was referring to the blue belt Teal had used to keep Equius’s blood colour somewhere on her person. Blue and Nepeta relaxed, glad that Black wasn’t trying to stir up any trouble. Maybe the compliment was Black’s idea of an apology.

“Th- thanks, I think I will,” Teal said, giving a tiny, nervous smile. Brown purred harder and brushed up against Teal as all seven Nepetas went back into the cave. 

Nepeta was very glad that that little incident had taken place without any drama. 

Someone was attempting to message Nepeta on Trollian, so she retrieved her husktop.

\--gallowsCallibrator [GC] began trolling arsenicCatnip [AC]--  
GC: 1S YOUR NOS3 TW1TCH1NG R1GHT NOW, P3RCH4NCE?  
AC: :33 ~ its pawsible ;))  
AC: :33 ~ *the arch-pouncellor says, winking knowingly*  
AC: :33 ~ are you going to tell me what exactly it is im smelling??  
GC: GU3SS >:]  
AC: :33 ~ umm…

With a jolt, Nepeta remembered that Terezi’s party was tomorrow. Where had all the time gone? 

AC: :33 ~ there will be kittens at the party!  
GC: 1S TH4T 4LL YOU 3V3R TH1NK 4BOUT?  
CG: NO! K4R4T 4ND 1 4RE GO1NG OUT!  
AC: :33 ~ wow! concatulations!

She was mostly lying there, but at least Terezi didn’t know it. 

GC: TH4NK YOU. >:]  
GC: H4 TOLD M3 NOT TO L1CK H1M 1N PUBL1C BUT 1 DON’T TH1NK TH4T WILL L4ST V3RY LONG!  
AC: :33 ~ h33 h33 h33  
AC: :33 ~ poor karkitty  
AC: :33 ~ youre purrobably going to make his life miserable in the best pawsible way  
GC: YOU B3T 1 4M  
AC: :33 ~ well, my dear legislacerator, i would love to stay and chat, but unfortunately i am expecting some guests to arrive shortly, so im afraid you will have to fill me in on all the details at the party tomorrow instead!  
GC: 1 LOOK FORW4RD TO IT  
AC: :33 ~ me too, h33 h33 x33

When had Nepeta gotten into the habit of lying so much?

Terezi said bye and then Nepeta said bye too, feeling hollow. Karkat had known that she would be upset about this. She had cried over it just two days ago. This was too soon. It was all too soon. Nepeta was feeling better than she had in months, but how was she supposed to react to something like this?

Nepeta got up and walked straight out of the cave. She walked into the woods, not looking ahead or to the left or right, but down. Her feet knew where she was going. At first she thought of nothing, dimly aware of the grey cloud that was rolling slowly back in from the edges of her mind. 

Why, Karkat? Why did you say yes? Terezi, why are you so oblivious to my feelings? Did I hide them too well? Is this my fault? 

Who am I going to love when I can’t love him? How can I love someone else, knowing that I loved him first? Who will love me, knowing my heart belongs to someone else? 

Black is right, I’m depressed and pathetic. 

Dark Green is right, I should go far away and never look back. 

Grey is right, I’m never going to fill my quadrants. 

Kualie is right. It would be far better to be anyone other than me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so I was like, not updating this anymore, but then Azaisya commented on it, so I got out my old writing notebook and typed up the next few chapters just for you. 
> 
> Comments go a long way, people. @Azaisya: Thank you <3


	15. Purple.

“Hey, Nepeta,” a quiet voice said. Nepeta looked up, realizing she had been walking circles around a clearing for the past ten minutes. Grey Nepeta was standing in the centre, watching her. 

“Hi, Nepeta,” Nepeta said dully, unable to fix her mask back in place. Grey probably knew what she was feeling. Grey would understand. 

“I saw the conversation you had with Terezi,” Grey said tentatively. 

“Oh,” said Nepeta, feeling her heart burn like a wound suddenly submerged in salt water. 

“Are you okay?” Grey said, taking a step towards her. 

“No,” Nepeta said simply. 

Grey put her hand on Nepeta’s shoulder for a moment. She went to take it away, but Nepeta clutched it as if it were a life jacket, an anchor to the world. The soft wool of her gloves, the hard ridges where the hidden claws were sewn in, her rough grey skin beneath: those were real. Nepeta could hold on to them.

“There’s nothing I can say that will make you feel better,” Grey said carefully. Nepeta just stared at her. “I know how you feel, and I’m not all that good at dealing with things like this myself. 

“But I can tell you this. Today, when I saw Brown with Equius, I realized something I never saw before. I always knew he cared for me, but this was something different. I saw how much he loves Brown – he loves us – even though he doesn’t really understand us. We keep secrets from him and argue with him and tell him he’s gross, but he loves us anyway.”

Grey took a deep breath, her grip on Nepeta’s hand tightening. “And that’s why I’ve decided to end my celibacy and ask him to be my moirail again.”

“Wait, really?” Nepeta said, so shocked that she was distracted for a moment. She truly had thought Grey was going to be celibate forever, from the way she talked. But what she had said about Equius… well, it was true. 

“Yes,” Grey said, and there was determination in her quiet voice. “You know, something Blue said made me think about it too.”

Nepeta nodded, hanging on to Grey’s words. 

“She said one person could fill your whole heart. I know she meant it in a metaphorical sense, but I couldn’t help but think. If I loved Equius just as much as he loves me, even if it’s just a pale kind of love, wouldn’t my heart feel as though it were full?”

Nepeta struggled to understand, struggled to see. She felt as if she were pulling herself up out of a huge dark pit, straining for the next foothold with sweat streaming down her back, and Grey’s voice was calling her on. 

“Oh,” Grey said suddenly, putting her free hand up to her mouth. “I just realized something else.”

“What?” Nepeta asked. 

“Something else Blue’s metaphor didn’t take into account.” Grey put her free hand on top of hers and Nepeta’s, which were still clasped together. 

“Blue didn’t say anything about loving yourself,” Grey said. “How am I supposed to live alone when I can’t fill my own heart? That’s why celibacy won’t work for us.”

Nepeta understood what Grey was saying this time. 

“I think Blue didn’t say it because she assumed it was a given,” she said slowly. 

“But it’s not,” Grey said. “It’s not for you, it’s not for me. But you know what? That’s another reason we need Equius. Because it’s a given for him too.”

“A matesprit doesn’t always know exactly who you are, but a moirail does,” Nepeta said, tearing up again. She wished Equius were here so she could tacklepounce him and never let go. She thought of the conversation she’d had with him last night and realized how upsetting it really was that he had thought he was failing her. He must have been so worried about her. Oh no…

The tears pooling in Nepeta’s eyes began to spill over. 

“Nepeta?” Grey said in concern. Nepeta wiped her eyes furiously and tried to calm down. 

“It’s okay, Gray,” Nepeta sniffed. “I’m okay. Thank you so much.”

And she was, she really was. These were not tears of sorrow, they were tears of gratitude. What an idiot she was! How could she have practically forgotten Equius like this, for so long? She would never, never do that again. As long as she had him, everything would be okay. 

“Hey, Grey,” she said, still struggling to catch her breath. She let go of Grey’s hand and gripped the folds of her own coat. 

“Yes?” Grey said. 

“Would you like to borrow a hat?”

“Yes please,” Grey said gratefully. Nepeta handed her a new blue hat, which Grey swapped out for her own green hat. 

“I can’t wait to get home,” Grey said, and Nepeta could tell from her voice that she didn’t just mean “back to the cave” home, she meant her own timeline. “I want to see my Equius,” Grey said, and sighed. “I hope he’ll take me back. I’ve been doing this for over a sweep.” She gestured with the green hat. 

“Of course he will,” Nepeta said confidently. “I bet he’ll be really happy. I bet he missed you.”

“You think?” Grey said. 

Nepeta smiled. “Yes,” she said. “Are you ready to go back now?”

“Yes please,” Grey said. Nepeta nodded. Together they walked back through the woods to Nepeta’s cave. 

When they arrived, they found everyone outside, clustered around… a new Nepeta. This one was wearing two gold necklaces and a coat the colour of Eridan’s blood. Nepta tried very hard to reserve judgement. At least Equius was sure to approve. He’d been trying to get her to give Eridan the time of day for years. 

Nepeta announced her presence with a “Hi, efurryone!” noting that Feral – Brown – had cleaned up a lot and was wearing a new brown coat, new blue shoes, and a new black tail, while Dark Green was sporting a blue hairbow. 

“Hey, Green and Grey are back!” Teal said. 

“Yeah, so time to get on with the story,” Black said to Purple, who laughed. 

“How long ago did you get here?” Nepeta asked, stepping into the circle of Nepetas around the newcomer. 

“Only a few minutes,” Purple said. She seemed cheerful, although the eyes on her hat were fairly neutral compared to Blue’s. 

“This isn’t the time for small talk,” Black complained loudly, and Blue shushed her. 

“It’s alright,” Purple said. “I know you know what this purple coat means, and you probably think it’s bad news, huh?”

“Pawsibly,” Dark Green said cautiously. A few other Nepeta muttered assent.

“Well, it is for you I suppose,” Purple sighed. “Yes, I took Eridan Ampora as my matesprit.” Jaws dropped. “But I don’t really love him. I can tell myself that, can’t I? I mean, you kitties are me, right?”

“What?” Black said incredulously, as the other Nepetas gasped. Become matesprits with someone they didn’t love? No way! That went against just about every long-standing dream they had ever had. Nepeta started to mentally write Purple off as another lost timeline. 

“Karkat married Terezi,” Purple explained. “I needed a matesprit. Eridan doesn’t notice I don’t like him as much as I should, because he’s too wrapped up in himself. He wanted to go flushed with Fefurry, but she rejected him.”

“And you don’t hate him?” Dark Green said, wrinkling her nose. 

“No,” Purple said. “I guess… I’m fond of him. He does have good qualities, even if they’re hard to find. I hope we’ll get used to each other in time.”

Nepeta wanted to feel sorry for Purple, but she sounded weirdly optimistic. She didn’t have any doubt or sorrow in her eyes. She seemed… accepting. And she talked about these things more freely than even Blue did. Was she for real? Because if she was, surely she was the strongest of all of them. Changing her previous opinion, Nepeta thought for the first time that perhaps she had found another Nepeta worth being. 

Black, it seemed, was not so impressed. “That sounds like a really shitty future,” she said. 

Purple looked thoughtful. “It really isn’t that bad,” she said. “Of course it’s not what I pictured for myself, but it’s certainly bearable.”

“Yeah fucking right,” Black said, and Nepeta wanted to slap her. “That’s such bullshit. There’s no way Eridan could ever make anyone happy. His bulge is probably smaller than my finger.”

“Hey,” Blue said, ignoring Black’s comment about Eridan’s bulge, “If Equius can make me happy as a matesprit, I’m sure Eridan could too.”

“Yeah, that’s also totally bogus,” Black said. “I would never get together with him either.”

“I would,” Dark Green, Grey, Nepeta, and Teal said all at the time, then blushed. It was like watching a row of traffic lights turn green. Nepeta rolled her eyes, thinking that Black had better shut up before someone tacklepounced her again.

“Are you out of your minds?” Black demanded. “It’s obvious that no one is every going to love us, and that’s that.”

Every assembled Nepeta sucked in her breath to start yelling at Black. But Brown got their first. 

With a swift and mighty leap, she tackled Black to the ground, baring her teeth and growling. Black struggled and tried to get up, but she was much younger and weaker than the determined Brown, who hissed ferociously. Black whimpered and stopped moving. 

“I… have had enough of this… no-sense you say!” Brown snarled. “You have Equius alive… but you mewl for… for… that what other trolls have neither. What need you with… star-cross matesprit… if you have – have alive Equius! No Karkat, no tears. No more kit-cry. Grow up!”

There was dead silence. 

“What?” Black squeaked out. 

Even though almost all the other Nepetas had understood, Teal stepped forward to translate. 

“She says,” Teal said forcefully, “That you need to stop acting like the child who wants all the candy. Do you love Equius?”

Black nodded, her eyes huge. 

“You have the best, most stable moirallegience out of every single one of your friends, and you’re wasting your time feeling sorry for yourself because Karkat doesn’t love you,” Teal finished. 

There was another silence. 

“Perhaps we’re all guilty of that,” Grey said quietly. 

“Yes,” Dark Green put in, “But when we realized he didn’t love us, we didn’t just roll over and die. We got on with our lives, in broken, tangled ways, but we got on with them. We don’t try to break the hearts of every other troll we meet just so they can feel like we do.”

“Purple and I are happy, even if it’s not the way you imagined,” Blue added. 

“Yes, they’re loved the way I hope to be one day. Unexpectedly,” Teal said.

“Imperfectly,” Nepeta murmured. 

“We can’t have Karkat, but we can be happy.” All seven Nepeta spoke at once, even Brown and Black, their voices young and old blending into one quiet but firm decision. They looked around at each other in confusion, unsure of what had just happened. Teal laughed, Blue followed suit, and Black wiggled free of Brown’s grip. She didn’t run off, but scooted back to the edge of the group as Brown got back on her feet. 

“I have a question,” Blue said. “Whose friends have moirails in other timelines?”

“I’ve got a Gam/Kar,” Dark Green said. 

“Yeah, we had that but they broke up, and now it’s Kar/Kan,” Gray said. 

“Much better,” Nepeta approved. “All I’ve got is a mess of Eri/Fef.”

“Oh cod are they awful,” Purple muttered. 

“Ara/Sol,” Black said. 

“Nothing,” said Teal. 

“Gam/Tav,” Brown said, grinning lopsidedly as her old ship names made their way out of her murky memory. “Ara/Sol, yes. Kar/Kan, yes. In Brown timeline, everybody for moirail but me.”

“Kar/Kan and Ara/Sol are such good ships,” Blue said approvingly. “I should encourage them.”

“I guess everyone else is missing out on an important ship just as much as we are,” Gray observed. 

“I wonder if there’s a universe where all twelve of us are perfectly paired up in at least two quadrants,” Teal said thoughtfully. 

“Okay, okay, okay,” Black broke in suddenly. “I get your point. Fu – ugh, fiddlesticks.”

She seemed to be struggling to speak, and Nepeta saw that she was tearing up. 

“I – I can’t stay. I have to –” she began, turning around. Nepeta surmised that she wanted to go off and cry. 

“No,” Nepeta said. “Don’t go. If you apologise, we’ll forgive you. But I don’t think that any of us should efur feel alone again.”

Black was shuddering violently. She seemed to be about to bolt. “Purple – I’m sorry. Blue – I’m sorry. Brown –” she gasped and gulped, swallowing. “I’m sorry! Teal – I – I –” sound stopped coming out of her mouth, but she kept apologizing anyway, her face screwed up into a picture of misery. As one, seven Nepetas move to hug the eighth. And so black-hearted Nepeta was healed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Purple Nepeta is based on [this](http://archiveofourown.org/works/2031996) Nepeta.
> 
> Also, fic now with illustrations.


	16. Terezi's Party.

The next morning, Teal and Grey were perky, Black was being unusually helpful, and Brown was speaking just a little more freely. Nepeta herself was incredibly antsy, because Terezi’s party was that afternoon.   
Would she be able to handle seeing Terezi and Karkat together? Was it really a good idea to attempt to rejoin the society she’d been absent from for three months at an occasion where she could easily break down? How bad an idea was this, exactly?

“I don’t think you should worry about that,” said Grey, who Nepeta was eating breakfast with. Hard to believe Nepeta was accepting friendly advice from someone she had thought was crazy when they first met, but here they were. Blue was eating with them. “You’re ready for this,” Grey added. 

“You think?” Nepeta said around a mouthful of deer jerky. 

“Your eyes are so much more awake than when we first met,” Blue observed.

Nepeta blushed, amazed to find that she could still do that. “Thanks,” she said, feeling happy – not just because her selves were supporting her, but because she believed them. She could feel the echo of their words in her own heart. Did that mean that she was supporting herself? She gave Grey and Blue each a hug. 

The rest of the day passed fairly quickly. It all seemed pretty much a blur until Nepeta found herself in front of Terezi’s hive that afternoon. 

Nepeta was not the first guest to arrive. Kanaya was already there, as were Eridan and Feferi. Knowing what she knew about her alternate possible futures, Nepeta couldn’t help but see Eridan in a new light. He was whining to Feferi (who looked bored) about something, but Nepeta’s shipper instincts told her he’d probably be less annoying when he got older. Hmm!

Karkat was also already there. When Nepeta came in, he looked at her with consternation, and perhaps just a touch of guilt, as if he expected her to burst into tears in the middle of the living room. Nepeta thought he looked adorable, as usual, noting that Terezi had apparently convinced him to wear a teal-coloured bow tie. Terezi herself was wearing her FLARP outfit and the artefact she had found was mounted on the wall behind her in an ostentatious gold frame. There was a long table covered in snacks against one wall, but the rest of the floor was clear, presumably for dancing. Boxes of various colours of chalk were placed against the other wall, and someone had already been drawing scalemates on it. 

“Nepeta!” Terezi exclaimed before Karkat could say anything. “Welcome to my humble abode. Prepare yourself for many shenanigans!” she cackled. 

“I’m purrpared!” Nepeta said, clenching her hand into a fist, although she didn’t honestly know how she felt. “The question is, are mew?”

“Are you questioning my skills? I’ll have you know I’m an excellent host,” Terezi said, and both of them laughed. 

Just then, there was another knock at the door. 

“Excuse me~” Terezi said. “Karkles, take care of the arch-pouncellor here until I get back, got it?”

And just like that, Terezi was gone, and Nepeta was face-to-face with Karkat, who had been subtly but certainly trying not to look at her. 

“H-hey, Nepeta,” he said, and Nepeta felt her heart flutter a little bit. 

“Hey Karkitty,” she said, smiling shyly, while internally telling herself not to act so stupid. 

“You – you okay?” Karkat said. It was so cute how uncharacteristically concerned he was acting. But on the other hand, Nepeta didn’t want to talk about that. 

“I’m just purrfect!” Nepeta said, hoping that the eyes on her hat matched her smile. “So, how’d Terezi convince you to wear that bow-tie?”

“Low blow, cat girl,” Karkat groaned, uncomfortably covering the tie with one hand. “That’s none of your gogdamn business, you know that?”

“I think it suits you!” Nepeta said. This was true. But she wasn’t Teal, so she wasn’t really partial to the colour. 

“Uh-huh. Well you have a coat that isn’t shitty, so I guess we’re even, huh?” Karkat said. Truth be told, Nepeta had purposefully avoided dressing up for this party. It was Terezi’s occasion and she didn’t want to look like she was trying to outshine anybody. But she had put a clean coat on, so it was nice of Karkat to notice. 

Maybe it wasn’t the moment for it, but Nepeta was suddenly blindsided by a realization. Karkat had complimented her. He wouldn’t do that to just anyone. That meant he cared about her. He didn’t want to be her matesprit, but he was her friend, and he cared about her. How had she forgotten that? It was important!

“Uh,” Nepeta said, trying to wrap her head around this idea while simultaneously replying to what Karkat was actually saying. Fortunately, she was saved by the arrival of Kanaya, who had overheard what they were talking about. 

“I, too, am of the opinion that a bow tie suits you to perfection,” Kanaya said in her elegant voice. 

“Hey, thanks, Kanaya,” Karkat said. Kanaya inclined her head gracefully, then turned to Nepeta. 

“It is very traditional of you to wear the same outfit to every occasion,” Kanaya said. 

“Hey!” Karkat started, but Kanaya quickly spoke again before he could get angry. Frankly, Nepeta was amazed the shouting was only starting now, given that Eridan was already in the room. 

“I am merely stating that I respect Nepeta’s aesthetic,” Kanaya said soothingly. Before Nepeta could explain that she had other clothing she just wasn’t wearing it, Terezi returned with Sollux and Aradia in tow. Phew! Nepeta could barely keep up with all these people coming in. 

“Hey Karkat,” Terezi started loudly, and Kanaya put a hand on Nepeta’s arm as Karkat was absorbed back into Terezi’s conversation. 

“I must admit, I find the pairing of colours you wear to be very interesting, and your devotion to Equius is charming. Could I design a dress for you?” Kanaya asked. Speaking of Equius, where was he? Giving a quick glance around, Nepeta saw that he hadn’t arrived yet. And Kanaya was offering to do a very nice thing for her, so why not?

“Yes purrlease,” Nepeta said, and Kanaya picked up a piece of green chalk. 

“Excellent,” she said crisply. Nepeta smiled. 

“Empire waist?” Kanaya asked, beginning to sketch out a few lines.

“What?” Nepeta said. “I’m sorry, I’m afuraid I don’t know much about dresses.”

“In an empire waist, the skirt begins directly below the bust,” Kanaya explained. “But I have a better idea now. Do you know your measurements?”

Nepeta did not, and she told Kanaya as much. Kanaya laughed and said that was alright, and continued drawing her dress, chatting amicably the entire time. It was nice. It was pleasant. Nepeta felt relaxed, almost as if she were having… fun. She realized: she hadn’t spoken with most her friends in months. Instead of the prospect of talking to them being daunting, as it had been in the past, she felt that it might be fun, because they had so much to catch up on. 

After Kanaya finished designing Nepeta’s dress, Nepeta drew a quick portrait of her in return. Then Vriska showed up (fashionably late) and took Kanaya away, so Nepeta went to have a talk with Sollux and Aradia. They asked her how her RP was going (Nepeta had to think hard to remember that she had lied and told them the multiple-selves thing was just an RP), and she said “fine” in a vague sort of way. She then talked to Terezi, Feferi, Eridan, and even Gamzee and Tavros. 

It was fun. It was fun! That was amazing! The sheer joy of being able to feel like she was having fun was almost intoxicating. How long had her other selves been here? A week? It seemed like such a short time, yet everything had changed. Nepeta ate snacks from Terezi’s well-laden table, talked and danced and had a wonderful time. 

Two hours later, Nepeta realized something: Equius was very, very late, and she hadn’t even noticed. Her good mood instantly melted away, to be replaced by a kind of melancholy tiredness. Awkwardly excusing herself from a conversation with Aradia, she went outside and sat on one of the branches of the tree Terezi’s hive was perched in, looking up at the stars. 

The green and purple moons shone down brightly, casting a warm glow over the forest. Nepeta felt alone. She knew that Equius probably had a good reason for not being there, but still, she wished he would come. 

Everything was different, and everything was the same. Karkat hadn’t changed. Nepeta’s feelings for him hadn’t changed. But her heart had been choking before, and now she could breathe again. She wasn’t completely happy, but it was a start. Now Nepeta knew what she needed to do. She needed to fill the space in herself that she’d been devoting to sadness with love for other things and other people. 

Somehow, she didn’t know if she could go back to who she had been before. Shipping people… was an interest if she didn’t know if she should continue. RP she would still do, but maybe not the same way. Maybe it was time to break down that caved-in wall in her hive and find out a little something about her ancestor, like Vriska and Terezi. Maybe, Nepeta thought, with a little pang of loss, this is what it meant to be growing up. 

She didn’t like that thought. It made her feel cold. 

At that moment, her keen huntress ears picked up sounds from below. Someone was approaching the hive. Perking up her ears, Nepeta listened carefully. Was it some kind of intruder?

The troll was getting closer now. A figure appeared in a pool of purple moonlight – and Nepeta smiled. 

Equius. At last.


End file.
